Songs you will find the BJ Hashers singing if you ever come join us for a hash, or happen to be at a local drinking establishment after we get done with one of our hashes. These songs are a compilation made over the last 10 years. I forgot where I first heard them and who wrote them. If you want to download them, here is the link. It is a word document Right Click and Save target as: BJ hash Hymnal
Here’s To The Game Of 20 Toes,
Its Played All Over Town,
The Women Play With Ten Toes Up,
And The Men With Ten Toes Down,
Down, Down, Down …
(Unsuspecting Female Volunteer Needed)
Chorus:
Alouette, Gentille Alouette,
Alouette Je Te Plumerai.
Leader: Does She Have Ze Stringy Hair?
All: Oui, She Has Ze Stringy Hair.
Leader: Stringy Hair,
All: Stringy Hair,
Leader: Alouette! Aah, Aah, Aah, Aah . . . (Chorus)
Leader: Does She Have Ze Furrowed Brow?
All: Oui, She Has Ze Furrowed Brow,
Leader: Furrowed Brow,
All: Furrowed Brow,
Leader: Stringy Hair,
All: Stringy Hair,
Leader: Alouette! Aah, Aah, Aah, Ahh . . . (Chorus)
Wooden Eye (Yes I Would!) . . .
Broken Nose . . .
Blow Job Lips . . .
Two Buck Teeth . . .
Double Chin . . .
Swinging Tits . . .
Beer Belly . . .
Bulbous Butt . . .
Furry Thing . . .
Leader: Now Isn't She A Nice-A Girl?
All: Oui, She Is A Nice-A Girl,
Leader: Nice-A Girl,
All: Nice-A Girl,
Leader: Alouette! Aah, Aah, Aah . . .
Chorus
Leader/All: How I Love Her (Repeat All)
And The Hares, And The Hares
And The Hairs On The Dicky Dido Hung Down To Her Knees
One Black One, One White One
And One With A Bit Of Shite On
And One With A Fairy Light On To Show Us The Way
And The Hares, And The Hares
And The Hairs On The Dicky Dido Hung Down To Her Knees
Drink It Down, Down Down …….
Asshole, Asshole, A
Soldier I Will Be
To Piss, To Piss, Two Pistols On My Knee
For Cunt, For Cunt, For Country And My Queen
Asshole, Asshole, Asshole, Asshole, A Soldier I Will Be
Drink It Down, Down, Down, Down...
Autohash Song - Melody - Dear Lord, Won't You Buy Me A Mercedes-Benz
Dear Lord, Won't You Give Me A Ride To The Beer,
My Friends Are All Drinking, And I'm Stuck Out Here,
I'll Ride In A Chevy, A Ford Or A Truck,
If You Drive Me There I'll Throw In A Down, Down, Down, Down . . .
Here's to the lassie with the black hair on her assie,
Who was liftin' up her kiltie at the BJ Hash.
Chorus (hold chair upside down to simulate bagpipes; make droning sound and tap throat to form notes):
Na na na na na na na,
Na na na na na na na,
Na na na na na na na,
Na na na na . . .
Here’s to the jockey with his upstandin' cocky,
Who was ridin' on the lassie with the black hairy assie,
Who was liftin' up her kiltie at the Border Jumper Hash.
Here’s to the cranky who was wankin' in his hankie,
At the thought o' the jockey with the upstandin' cocky,
Who was ridin' on the lassie with the black hairy assie,
Who was liftin' up her kiltie at the Border Jumper Hash.
Here’s to the queerie who was leerin' through his beerie,
At the sight o' the cranky who was wankin' in his hankie,
At the thought o' the jockey with the upstandin' cocky,
Who was ridin' on the lassie with the black hairy assie,
Who was liftin' up her kiltie at the Border Jumper Hash.
Here’s to the harlot makin' money in the car lot,
To support the a' queerie who was leerin' through his beerie,
At the sight o' the cranky who was wankin' in his hankie,
At the thought o' the jockey with the upstandin' cocky,
Who was ridin' on the lassie with the black hairy assie,
Who was liftin' up her kiltie at the Border Jumper Hash.
Here’s to the hasher who was posin' as a flasher,
Hustlin' johnnies from the harlot makin' money in the car lot,
To support the a' queerie who was leerin' through his beerie,
At the sight o' the cranky who was wankin' in his hankie,
At the thought o' the jockey with the upstandin' cocky,
Who was ridin' on the lassie with the black hairy assie,
Who was liftin' up her kiltie at the Border Jumper Hash.
Here’s to the wenchy doin' down-down on a benchie,
For the pleasure o' the hasher who was posin' as a flasher,
Hustlin' johnnies from the harlot makin' money in the car lot,
To support the a'queerie who was leerin' through his beerie,
At the sight o' the cranky who was wankin' in his hankie,
At the thought o' the jockey with the upstandin' cocky,
Who was ridin' on the lassie with the black hairy assie,
Who was liftin' up her kiltie at the Border Jumper Hash.
Now the moral o' this ditty is when in el paso city,
And you're with your favorite girlie chasin' hairs all short and curly,
Just remember to take her hashin' and to give her a good bashin',
And keep her away from the wenchy doing down-down on the benchie,
For the pleasure o' the hasher who was posin' as a flasher,
Hustlin' johnnies from the harlot makin' money in the car lot,
To support the a' queerie who was leerin' through his beerie,
At the sight o' the cranky who was wankin' in his hankie,
At the thought o' the jockey with the upstandin' cocky,
Who was ridin' on the lassie with the black hairy assie,
Who was liftin' up her kiltie at the Border Jumper Hash.
Ball Game - Melody - Take Me Out To The Ball Game
Whip It Out At The Ball Game,
Wave It Round At The Crowd,
Dip It In Jello And Crackerjack,
I Don't Care If You Give It A Whack,
Because It's -
Beat Your Meat At The Ball Game,
If You Don't Come It's A Shame,
For It's One, Two,
And You're Covered In Goo,
At The Old Ball Game!
Birthday Song - Melody - Happy Birthday To You
Happy Birthday, Fuck You,
Happy Birthday, Fuck You,
Happy Birthday, You Asshole,
Happy Birthday, Fuck You.
Drink It Down, Down, Down . . .
Bitch, A
Dog – Melody Do, Re, Mi
(Back to the top)
Bitch, A Dog, A Female
Dog
Itch, A Place For You To Scratch
Hitch, I Pull My Knickers Up
Grab, Another Word For Snatch
Bath, A Place For Making Gin
Sex, Another Word For Sin
Prick, A Needle Going In
And That Will Bring Us Back To Bitch, Bitch...
Boy They're Ornery - Melody - That's Amore
When You're Mooned By Some Guy,
And You See His Brown Eye.
Boy They're Ornery.
Would It Be Such A Crime,
If You Beat Up A Mime?
No, That's Ornery.
The Phone Rings,
Ting-A-Ling-A-Ling,
Ting-A-Ling-A-Ling,
They Ask Is Myra Maines There?
(Myra Maines-Myra Maines There?)
Then Then Say
Resting Where They Lay
Buried Yesterday
And It Seems You'll Remain There.
Watch For Tricks, Play It Cool,
For Today's April Fool.
They're All Ornery.
While At Work Be Discreet,
And Watch Out For Deceit, Or A Bluff.
Get Some Water To Clean,
But It Says Needs Dry Cleaning When Dirty.
Seems To Me What You Need,
To Proceed Is Some Water Pow-Der-Y.
(Grab Some Glasses That Spy)
(And They Blacken Your Eye This Is Ornery)
Boy They're Ornery.
(They Will Do Monkey Shine)
(Just Watch Out Your Behind, They're So Ornery)
Boy They're Ornery.
The Phone Rings,
Ting-A-Ling-A-Ling,
Ting-A-Ling-A-Ling,
And They Answer Hello-Hey
(Hello-Hello-Hey)
Then They Say,
Please Without Delay
Get Him Right Away,
Have You Seen Mike Hunt Today?
Did A Search Once Online Looking For The Word "Time",
It Was Corny (It Was Corny)
With The Query Complete,
Came This Error Discrete, It Was Dumb.
It Said "Cannot Find Time",
So Was It Just Resigning Or Choring?
Seems To Me It Could Be,
It Was Just Too Bus-Y, This Is Ornery.
(Ornery)
Boy They're Ornery...
"Teddy Bear" Based On The Performance By Elvis Presley
"Reddy Hairs" Parody By Malcolm Higgins
Oh Can You See,
Little Reddy Hairs,
Spread My Cheeks, I'm Bending Down,
Oh Can't You See Them There,
Oh Woe Is Me,
Those Reddy Hairs
I Can't Shave No Tighter,
My Crack's Just Too Rough,
The Next Thing's Cream I'm Tryin,
Rubbing Up.. May Be Gets Them
Coming Off..
Oh Can You See,
Little Reddy Hairs,
Spread My Cheeks, I'm Bending Down,
Oh Can't You See Them There,
Oh Woe Is Me,
Those Reddy Hairs
Maybe You Can See, Around There Evey Night
Fingers Catch In Reddy Hairs
As You Squeeze Me Tight
Chicago – Melody - The Bear Went Over The Mountain (Take Turns Leading Verses)
Chorus: I Used To Work
In Chicago,
At The Old Department Store,
I Used To Work In Chicago,
I Don’t Work There Any More.
A Lady Came In For
Some Stockings,
Some Stockings From The Store,
Stockings She Wanted,
A Hosing She Got,
I Don’t Work There Any More.
A Lady Came In For
Some Carpet,
Some Carpet From The Store,
Carpet She Wanted,
Laid She Got,
I Don’t Work There Any More.
A Lady Came In For
Some Nails,
Some Nails From The Store,
Nails She Wanted,
Screwed She Got,
I Don’t Work There Any More.
A Man Came In For A
Fan,
A Fan From The Store,
A Fan He Wanted,
Blown He Got,
I Don’t Work There Any More.
A Lady Came In For
Some Wool,
Some Wool From The Store,
Wool She Wanted,
Felt She Got,
I Don’t Work There Any More.
A Man Came In For Some
Carpet,
Some Carpet From The Store,
Shag He Wanted,
Piles He Got,
I Don’t Work There Any More.
A Woman Came In For A
Translator,
A Translator From The Store
Translator She Wanted,
A Cunning Linguist She Got
A Woman Came In For A
Silver Faucet
A Silver Faucet From The Store
A Silver Faucet She Wanted,
My Golden Shower She Got.
A Lady Came In For
Metaphysical Conversation,
Metaphysical Conversation From The Store,
Metaphysical Conversation She Wanted,
Fucked She Got,
I Don’t Work There Any More.
A Man Came In For A
Lollipop,
A Lollipop From The Store
A Sucker He Wanted,
Sucked He Got,
I Don’t Work There Any More.
A Lady Came In For
Drain Cleaner,
Drain Cleaner From The Store,
Drano She Wanted, Clean Pipes She Got,
I Don’t Work There Any More.
A Lady Came In For A
Pony, A Pony From The Store,
Horse She Wanted,
Ridden She Got,
I Don’t Work There Any More.
A Man Came In For Some
Wheels,
Some Wheels From The Store,
Wheels He Wanted, Rimmed He Got,
I Don’t Work There Any More.
A Woman Came In For A
Doughnut,
A Doughnut From The Store,
Glazed She Wanted,
Creme-Filled She Got,
I Don’t Work There Any More.
A Lady Came In For A
Throw Rug,
A Throw Rug From The Store,
Rug She Wanted,
Rug-Burned She Got,
I Don’t Work There Any More.
A Lady Came In For A
Watchspring,
A Watchspring From The Store,
Watchspring She Wanted,
Boinged She Got,
I Don’t Work There Any More.
A Lady Came In For A
T-Bone,
A T-Bone From The Store,
T-Bone She Wanted,
Boneless Round She Got,
I Don’t Work There Any More.
A Lady Came In For
Some Flowers,
Some Flowers From The Store,
A Bouquet She Wanted,
Deflowered She Got
A Lady Came In For Toy
Sailors,
Toy Sailors From The Store,
Toy Sailors She Wanted,
Semen She Got,
I Don’t Work There Any More.
A Lady Came In For A
Canned Ham,
Canned Ham From The Store,
Armour She Wanted,
Porked She Got,
I Don’t Work There Any More.
A Woman Came In For
Gift Wrapping,
Gift Wrapping From The Store,
Wrapping She Wanted,
A Stuffing She Got,
I Don’t Work There Any More.
A Lady Came In For A
Beefsteak,
Beefsteak From The Store,
Chuck She Wanted,
Fucked She Got,
I Don’t Work There Any More.
A Lady Came In For A
Novel,
A Novel From The Store,
Dickens She Wanted,
Dick She Got,
I Don’t Work There Any More.
A Lady Came In For
Cigarettes,
Cigarettes From The Store,
Camels She Wanted,
Humped She Got,
I Don’t Work There Any More.
A Lady Came In For An
Iron,
An Iron From The Store,
Steam She Wanted,
Reamed She Got,
I Don’t Work There Any More.
A Widow Came In For
Some Sympathy,
Sympathy From The Store,
Sympathy She Wanted,
Syphilis She Got,
I Don’t Work There Any More.
A Lady Came In For
Assistance,
Assistance From The Store,
Help She Wanted,
Aids She Got,
I Don’t Work There Any More.
10, 9, 8, 7, 6,
5, 4, 3, 2, 1
Drink It Down, Down, Down, Down...
Dead Whore - Melody - My Bonnie Lies Over The Ocean
I Passed A Dead Whore On The Roadside,
I Knew Right Away She Was Dead.
For The Skin On Her Stomach Was Flaking,
She Hadn't A Hair On Her Head, Her Head,
She Hadn't A Hair On Her Head.
Chorus:
Bring Back, Bring Back, Oh Bring Back My Dead Whore To Me,
Bring Back, Bring Back, Oh Bring Back My Dead Whore To Me.
I First Met My Dead Whore At Mitch's,
With A Horrible Snail-Sucking Face.
She'd Roll Them Around On Her Tongue, Oh,
And Barf Them Back Up In Your Face, Your Face,
And Barf Them Back Up In Your Face.
My Dead Whore Looked Into A Gas Tank,
The Contents Of It For To See.
I Lit A Match To Assist Her,
Oh Bring Back My Dead Whore To Me, To Me,
Oh Bring Back My Dead Whore To Me.
While Nibbling My Dead Whore's Festered Nipples,
A Horrible Thing To Discuss,
I Thought It Was Milk I Was Sucking,
But No, It Was Only Green Pus, Green Pus,
But No, It Was Only Green Pus.
My Dead Whore's Vagina Was Swelling,
A Condition I Thought Would Soon Pass,
I Stuck In My Prick To Explore It,
And She Farted Green Gas From Her Ass, Her Ass,
She Farted Green Gas From Her Ass.
I Thought Of A Way Of Preserving,
My Dead Whore For Posterity.
I'd Dry Her Like A Piece Of Beef Jerky,
With A Leathery Twat Just For Me, For Me,
With A Leathery Twat Just For Me.
I French-Kissed My Dead Whore, Named Merly,
I Liked How She Wiggled Her Tongue.
But After An Evening Of Kissing,
I Realized It Was Maggots From Her Lung, Her Lung,
I Realized It Was Maggots From Her Lung.
Once, Upon Thinking It Over,
I Realized My Terrible Sin.
So I Stuck My Lips To Her Sweet Pussy,
And Sucked Out The Load I Shot In, Shot In,
And Sucked Out The Load I Shot In.
But Before I Could Extract That Jism,
My Dead Whore Was Pregnant, And More.
Inside The Maternity Morgue,
She Gave Birth To A Dead Baby Whore, Baby Whore,
She Gave Birth To A Dead Baby Whore.
(To The Tune Of Born Free)
Born Dead, Your Baby Was Born Dead.
Three Fingers And No Head.
Born Dead To Live In A Jar.
Stay Dead, Don't Come Back To Haunt Me;
You Really Don't Want Me.
Born Dead To Live In A Jar.
Do Your Balls Hang Low? - Melody - Sailor's Hornpipe
Do Your Balls Hang Low?
Do They Swing To And Fro?
Can You Tie 'Em In A Knot?
Can You Tie 'Em In A Bow?
Can You Throw 'Em Over Your Shoulder,
Like A Continental Soldier?
Can You Do The Double Shuffle,
When Your Balls Hang Low?
Chorus:
Ting-A-Ling, God Damn, Find A Woman If You Can.
If You Can't Find A Woman, Find A Clean Old Man.
If You're Ever In Gibraltar, Take A Flying Fuck At Walter.
Can You Do The Double Shuffle When Your Balls Hang Low?
Other Verses (Same As Original Verse, Except You Replace The * Lines With The Following):
Do They Make A Lusty Clamor,
When You Hit 'Em With A Hammer?
Can You Bounce 'Em Off The Wall,
Like An Indian Rubber Ball?
Do They Make A Hollow Sound,
When You Drag 'Em On The Ground?
Do You Feel A Mellow Tingle,
When You Hit 'Em With A Shingle?
Do They Squeal Like Dogs,
When You Tromp 'Em With Your Clogs?
Do They Have A Salty Taste,
When You Wrap 'Em Round Your Waist?
Do They Chime Like A Gong,
When You Pull Upon Your Dong?
Do Your Tits Hang Low? (Two Versions) - Melody - Sailor's Hornpipe
Do Your Tits Hang Low?
Do They Wobble To And Fro?
Can You Tie Them In A Knot?
Can You Tie Them In A Bow?
Can You Throw Them Over Your Shoulder?
Do You Need A Boulder Holder?
Do Your Tits Hang Low?
Are Your Tits Real Small?
Are They Flat Just Like A Wall?
Can You Hide Them With Your Hands?
Can You See Them There At All?
Would You Look Just Like A Male
If It Weren't For Your Pigtails?
Are Your Tits Real Small?
Are Your Tits Just Right?
Are Your Blouses Kinda Tight?
If You Had A Disagreement
Could You Use Them In A Fight?
Do The Boys Throw Fits
When You Flash Your Tits
Are Your Tits Just Right?
Do Your Tits Go Squish
When You Poke Them Like This?
Do They Feel Just Like
A Slimy Jelly Fish?
Does Your Man's Pecker Stand
When He Holds Them In His Hand?
Do Your Tits Go Squish?
Are Your Tits Real Hard?
Could You Use Them As A Guard?
Do Your Nipples Poke Through
Your Pink Leotard?
When Its Wet And Cold
Do They Stand Out Proud And Bold
Are Your Tits Real Hard?
Do Your Tits Have Hair?
Do People Stop And Stare
When You Wear A French Braid
Down To Your Underwear?
Do People Think Your Breasts
Are Like Your Father's Chest?
Do Your Tits Have Hair?
Are Your Tits Really Real?
Did It Take Them Long To Heal?
Are They Silicone
Or Saline Filled?
Do The Boys Hearts Race
When You Shake Them In Their Face?
Are Your Tits Really Real?
If Your Tits Are Teeny Weenie
Or Too Big For Your Bikini
No Matter How They Look
No Matter How They Feel
Be Glad That You Got_Em
Cuz You Know The Boys Will Want'em
- Your Tits Tits Tits
Second Version:
(Sing Basic Verse, Substituting Two Lines Marked With * For Each New Verse, As For Do Your Balls Hang Low, Above)
Do Your Boobs Hang Low,
Can You Swing Them To And Fro,
Can You Tie 'Em In A Knot,
Can You Tie 'Em In A Bow?
* Do They Have A Milky Taste
* Can You Tie 'Em Round Your Waist?
Can You Do The Double Shuffle
When Your Boobs Hang Low?
Do They Dangle, Do The Teats,
Get Wrapped Around Your Feet?
Do They Flip And Flop And Dangle,
Do They Wind Around Your Ankles?
Can You Tie 'Em Like A Turban,
And Does It Look Absurd On?
Can You Use Them Like A Diaper
Or A Handy Bottom Wiper?
Are The Big And Pink And Round,
Can You Bounce Them On The Ground?
Are They Long And Shaped Like Marrows,
Do You Wheel Them Round On Barrows?
Do Your Oversized Zucchinis,
Overflow Your Best Bikini?
Are They As Big As Pumpkins,
Can You Walk Without Them Bumping?
Can You Roll 'Em Up Like Carpets?
Do They Fit Beneath Your Armpits?
Do Your Droopy Mam'ry Glands
Leave A Trail In The Sands?
Can You Get A Bra That Fits
Without Rolling Up Your Tits?
Your Bra Is Sixty Inches,
Triple-F Cup But Still Pinches.
Do Your Floppy, Flapping Boobs,
Look Like Pink Deflated Tubes,
Are They So Pendulous
Is Lolo Ferrari Jealous?
Does A Hasher? - Melody - Sailor's Hornpipe
Does A Hasher Like To Walk,
Does A Hasher Like To Run,
Does A Hasher Like To Be Where They're Having All The Fun?
Can He Drink A 12-Ounce Beer,
While His Friends All Sing And Cheer,
Now Your Time Has Come.
So Drink It Down, Down, Down . . .
Dough, The Stuff, That Buys Me Beer,
Ray, The Guy Who Serves Me Beer,
Me, The Guy, Who Drinks Me Beer,
Fa, A Long Way To The John,
So I’ll Have Another Beer,
La, I’ll Have Another Beer,
Tea, No Thanks I’ll Have A Beer,
And That Brings Us Back To,
Dough, …..
Father Abraham - Melody - Itself
Leader: Father Abraham Had Seven Sons,
Seven Sons Had Father Abraham,
And He Never Smiled,
And He Never Cried,
All He Did Was Go Like This - With A Right!
All (Shout/Actions): With A Right! (Extend Right Arm)
Leader: Father Abraham Had Seven Sons,
Seven Sons Had Father Abraham,
And He Never Smiled,
And He Never Cried,
All He Did Was Go Like This - With A Right!
All (Shout/Actions): With A Right! (Extend Right Arm)
Leader: And A Left!
All (Shout/Actions): And A Left! (Extend Left Arm)
More Verses/Actions:
With A Right! (Extend Right Leg)
With A Left! (Extend Left Leg)
And A Heeee! (Hump Pelvis)
And A Huuhh! (Turn Around, Drop Pants, Moon Pack)
Fuck A Duck - Melody - Do, Re, Mi
Fuck A Duck,
A Female Duck,
Screw A Baby Kangaroo,
Finger Bang An Orangutan,
Let An Elephant Eat You,
Feel The Penis Of An Eel,
Whack The Asshole Of A Yak,
Masturbate With A Gnu,
That Will Bring Us Back To
Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Fuck . . .
Repeat With Motions, Humming, Silence, Etc
Get It Up, Get It In . . . - Melody - Bonanza Theme
Get It Up, Get It In, Get It Out Don't Mess My Hair Do
You've Got A Dick But You Should Lick, Move That Tongue Around
Hit The Spot, Make Me Hot
I Will Scream Out Loud
Get It Up, Get It In, Get It Out Don't Mess My Hair Do
You've Got A Dick But You Should Lick, Move That Tongue Around
Suck My Toes, Insert Your Hose
Make My Juices Flow
Get It Up, Get It In, Get It Out Don't Mess My Hair Do
You've Got A Dick But You Should Lick, Move That Tongue Around
When I Am Done And I Have Cum
We'll Start Another Round
Get It Up, Get It In, Get It Out Don't Mess My Hair Do
You've Got A Dick But You Should Lick, Move That Tongue Around
Girl From Singapore – Melody - Itself
Chorus: She's a dirty mother fucker, she's a rotten whore,
She's a girl from Singapore
What did the drunk say?
Bum titty bum titty, bum titty bum titty bum titty bum titty, bum titty bum.
She's a dirty mother fucker, she's a rotten whore,
She's a girl from Singapore.
Oh she went to the church just to pray for the people,
But the skunk from her cunt knocked the cross off the steeple.
Oh she went to the well, just to make a wish,
But the skunk from her cunt killed off all the fish.
Oh she went to the seashore just to lie on the beach,
But the skunk from her cunt made the locals all reach.
Oh, she went to the alley just to try and shag,
But the skunk from her cunt made the maggots all gag.
Oh she went to the dance just to shake her hips,
But the skunk from her cunt made the records all skip.
Oh she went to the yard to play some fetch,
But the skunk from her cunt made the dog retch.
Oh she went for a ride on her motorcycle,
But the skunk from her cunt knocked the chain off the cycle.
She visited Juarez on a medical trip,
But the skunk from her cunt just continued to drip.
She laid a Wednesday run just for a caper,
But the skunk from her cunt instead of using paper.
She took a short cut just to get back quicker,
But the skunk from her cunt made the shiggy thicker.
She led them down a cliff just to test their reaction,
But the skunk from her cunt made them lose all their traction.
They made her sing a song at the end of the day,
But the skunk from her cunt made the circle go away.
At last she was a leaver and we gave her a mug,
But the skunk from her cunt was enough to fill her jug.
and so on...
God Bless My Underpants - Melody - God Bless America
God Bless My Underpants,
Brand That I Like,
Stand Inside Them,
And Ride Them,
Between My Buns When I Run Or I Bike.
From The Waistband,
To The Legholes,
To The Fly Flap,
Wet With Piss,
God Bless My Underpants,
They Look Like This.
Harriette Song - Melody - Sailor's Hornpipe
Well The Wiggle Of Her Butt Would Make A Blind Man
Cum,
And The Middle Of Her Nipple Is As Big As Your Thumb.
She's A Mean Mother Fucker.
She's A Great Cock-Sucker
She's A Harriette...
Drink It Down, Down, Down, Down...
The Weather Outside
Oh The Weather Outside Is Frightful,
But My Cock Is So Delightful,
And If You Really Want To See It Grow,
Give It A Blow, Give It A Blow, Give It A Blow.
Drink It Down, Down, Down, Down...
You Are My Hashshit
To The Tune Of "You Are My Sunshine"
You Are My Hashshit, My Only Hashshit
You Make Me Happy When Skies Are Gray
You Never Know Dear How Much I Love You
Please Don't Take My Hashshit Away
Drink It Down, Down, Down, Down...
Harriettes, They Play One - Melody - This Old Man
Harriettes, They Play One,
All They Want To Do Is Cum,
Chorus:
With A Knick Knack, Slap Her Ass, Poke Her With My Bone,
This Drunk Hare Will Stumble Home.
Harriettes, They Play Two,
We Just Want To Speckle You,
Harriettes, They Play Three,
Won't You Swallow My Cum For Me,
Harriettes, They Play Four,
We Like To See You On All Fours,
Harriettes, They Play Five,
If You Don't Swallow You'll Get Hives,
Harriettes, They Play Six,
We Just Want To Slap You With Our Dicks,
Harriettes, They Play Seven,
But They All Just Wish It Was Eleven,
Harriettes, They Play Eight,
We All Know You Masturbate,
Harriettes, They Play Nine,
All They Do Is Whinge And Whine,
Harriettes, They Play Ten,
We're Not Boys, We're Harrier Men,
Harriettes, They Play Eleven,
But All They Can Handle Is Only Seven.
Hash House Harriers - Melody - The Addams Family
Their Drinking Is Compulsive And
Their Running Is Convulsive,
They're Morally Repulsive,
The Hash House Harriers.
Chorus:
Da Da Da Da (Snap Fingers Twice)
Da Da Da Da (Snap Fingers Twice)
Da Da Da Da, Da Da Da Da, Da Da Da Da
Their Flatulence Is Rude And
Their Genitals Protrude When
They're Running In The Nude In
The Hash House Harriers.
They're Always Shiggy Tracking
From Constantly Bush-Whacking,
Intelligence They're Lacking,
The Hash House Harriers.
Da Da Da Da, Down Down, Etc . . .
He Wanks His Crank - Melody - Itself
He Wanks His Crank In The Morning
He Wanks His Crank In The Night
He Wanks His Crank With His Left Hand
And He Cleans It Up With His Right.
So Drink It Down, Down, Down . . .
Head?!?
Who Said Head?
I'll Have Some Of That.
And We Did.
And It Was Good!
And There Was Much Rejoicing!
And Then We Fucked!
We Fucked For Hours,
Uprooting Trees And Shrubs And Flowers,
Like Vikings, With Horns On Our Head!
Head?!?
Who Said Head....
I’ll Take Some Of That
We Don't Want Women/Men With Good Taste!
We Want Women/Men That Taste Good!
Her Left Lip – Melody – My Bonnie Lies Over The Ocean
Her Left Lip Hangs
Down To Her Right Lip
Her Right Lip Hangs Down To Her Knee
If Her Left Lip Did Equal Her Right Lip
I’d Be Able To Eat Her Pussy
Drink It Down, Down, Down, Down...
Her Left Tit - Melody - My Bonnie Lies Over The Ocean
Her Left Tit Hangs Down To Her Belly,
Her Right Tit Hangs Down To Her Knee.
If Her Left Tit Did Equal Her Right Tit,
She'd Get Lots Of Weenie From Me.
Drink It Down, Down, Down . . .
Here's To Brother Hasher(S) - Melody - Ach, Du Lieber Augustin
Here's To Brother (Sister) Hasher,
Bother Hasher, Brother Hasher,
Here's To Brother Hasher,
May He Chug-A-Lug.
He's Happy, He's Jolly,
He's Fucked Up By Golly,
Here's To Brother Hasher,
May He Chug-A-Lug.
So Drink Motherfucker,
Drink Motherfucker,
Drink Motherfucker,
Drink Motherfucker,
Here's To Brother Hasher,
May He Chug-A-Lug.
Here's To ________ (Basic Down-Down Song) - Melody - Itself
Here's To _______________,
He's True Blue, (He's A Blue)
He's A Hasher,
Through And Through,
He's A Pisspot, (He's An Asshole)
So They Say,
Tried To Go To Heaven, (He'll Never Get To Heaven)
But He Went The Other Way, (In A Long, Long Way)
So Drink It Down, Down, Down . . .
Herpes Family - Melody - Addams Family
They're Goofy And They're Itchy,
They Make Your Girlfriend Bitchy,
They Hide Out In Her Snitchy,
The Herpes Family!
Chorus:
Da Da Da Da (Snap Fingers Twice),
Da Da Da Da (Snap Fingers Twice)
Da Da Da Da, Da Da Da Da, Da Da Da Da
You Can Hardly See 'Em,
But When You Start A-Pee'n,
They Really Get Ya Screamin',
The Herpes Family!
He's The Meanest - Melody - Itself
He's The Meanest,
He Sucks The Horse's Penis,
He's The Meanest,
He's A Horse's Ass.
All He Does Is Pound It,
Ever Since He Found It,
He's The Meanest,
He's A Horse's Ass.
He's Always Pissing On Us,
He's Rotten And Dishonest,
He's The Meanest,
He's A Horse's Ass.
So Drink It Down, Down, Down . . .
(And A Variation)
She's Superior,
She's Got Class,
She's Superior,
She's A Horse's Ass.
Drink It Down, Down, Down . . .
Hi Ho! Hi Ho! It's Off To The Burlesque Show - Melody - Hi Ho, Hi Ho, It's Off To Work We Go
Hi Ho! Hi Ho! It's Off To The Burlesque Show,
We'll Sit Up Front,
To See Their Cunts,
Hi Ho! Hi Ho! Hi Ho Ho Ho Ho . . .
Other Verses:
At Half Past Eight, We'll Masturbate
They're Small On Wits, But Big On Tits
We'll Drop Our Drawers, And Fuck Some Whores
I Paid My Buck, Now Where's My Fuck
From Ten Till Eight, We'll Fornicate
His One-Skin - Melody - My Bonnie Lies Over The Ocean
His One Skin Hangs Down To His Two Skin,
His Two Skin Hangs Down To His Three,
His Three Skin Hangs Down To His Foreskin,
His Foreskin Hangs Down To His Knee.
Drink It Down, Down, Down . . .
Optional Verses:
Roll Back, Roll Back,
Roll Back His Foreskin For Him, For Him.
Roll Back, Roll Back,
Please Roll Back His Foreskin For Him.
Optional ending:
His Body Lies Over The Ocean,
His Body Lies Over The Sea,
His Father Lies Over His Mother,
And That's How They Created Him.
Hot Vagina - Melody - Yellow Rose Of Texas
Hot Vagina For Your Breakfast,
Hot Vagina For Your Lunch,
Hot Vagina For Your Dinner,
Just Munch, Munch, Munch, Munch, Munch.
It's So Speedy And Nutritious,
Bite-Size And Ready To Eat,
So Take A Tip, Go Eat Your Mom;
Hot Vagina Can't Be Beat.
I Like Cock - Melody - Three Blind Mice
I Like Cock,
I Like Cock,
See How They Rise,
See How They Rise,
They Fit So Nicely And Feel So Grand,
They Come In All Sizes, All Shapes And Brands,
There's Nothing Finer Than Making Them Stand,
'Cause I Like Cock,
I Like Cock.
I Like Cunt - Melody - Three Blind Mice
I Like Cunt,
I Like Cunt,
Ain't It Cute,
Ain't It Cute?
Up Against Railings I've Often Stood,
Fucking Young Ladies And Doing Them Good,
It's So Much Better Than Pulling Your Pud,
'Cause I Like Cunt,
I Like Cunt.
My dick has felt the burning of the coming of the clap,
I've been clean all these years and now I've got a real bum rap,
That bitch said she was clean but she really was a liar,
'Cause now my dick's on fire.
Chorus: Lordy, Lordy I'm on fire,
Lordy, Lordy I'm on fire,Lordy, Lordy I'm on fire,
And I'll never piss again.
I saw her coming at me from across the Georgia bar,
Her ass was swinging wildly and her tits were sagging far,
I propped her on a barstool and I bought that bitch a drink,
Then I smelled that telltale stink.
Swedish Bees, Kamikazes, Stolies, and some brew,
My dick was getting hard, man, the big old Wally grew,
She reached into my pants and she pulled that monster out,
Then John Cleveland began to shout.
Well I should have listened to him 'cause he'd been with her before,
That must have been where he got that bloody festered sore,
I should have listened to him when he said she was a whore,
But you knows "Bo needs more."
So I took her on a hash run and that bitch ran fast and hot,
You could almost see the nasty stuff a-dripping out her slot,
And at the On-In, she told me she really wanted to fuck,
But I should have just let her suck.
Now I'm in the doctor's office sitting in the chair,
Nothing like a red hot poker way down deep in there,
The doctor pushed too far and my scrotum began to tear,
God, this really SUCKS.
Incest Is Best – Melody - Tie Me Kangaroo Down, Sport
Chorus:
Incest Is Best Boys,
Incest Is Best - Fuck A Relative!
Incest Is Best Boys,
Incest Is Best,
Give A Piece To Your Niece Boys
Give A Piece To Your Niece
Give A Piece To Your Niece Boys
Give A Piece To Your Niece, Because -
Put Your Knob In Uncle Bob Boys...
Give A Blow To Your Bro Girls...
Shower Your Sis With Some Piss Boys...
My Significant Other's My Brother Girls...
Shoot Some Goo On Aunt Sue Boys...
Do The Bum Of Your Mum Boys...
Give A Kiss To Your Sis Boys...
Make Lovin' To Your Cousin Boys...
I've Just Had My Dad Girls...
Put Your Sis In Bliss Boys...
Let's Fuck Uncle Buck Girls...
Rub Your Palm On Your Mom Boys...
Hide The Salami With Your Mommy Boys...
Incest Time In Texas - Melody - Yellow Rose Of Texas
When It's Incest Time In Texas,
When There's No Cunt To Be Found,
Your Mother's In The Bathroom,
With Her Panties Halfway Down,
No Time For Masturbation,
No Time To Beat Your Meat,
When It's Incest Time In Texas,
Mother-Fucking Can't Be Beat!
International Hash Hymn - Melody - Swing Low, Sweet Chariot
I Looked Over Jordan And What Did I See,
Coming For To Carry Me Home,
A Band Of Angels Coming After Me,
Coming For To Carry Me Home.
Chorus:
Swing Low, Sweet Chariot,
Coming For To Carry Me Home,
Swing Low, Sweet Chariot,
Coming For To Carry Me Home.
I'm Sometimes Up And Sometimes Down,
Comin' For To Carry Me Home,
But Still My Soul Feels Heavenly Bound.
Comin' For To Carry Me Home.
If You Get There Before I Do,
Coming For To Carry Me Home,
Tell All My Friends That I'm Coming Too,
Coming For To Carry Me Home.
(Repeat With Variations: Humming And Motions Only, Silence And Motions Only, Double-Time)
It's A Small Dick----Melody - It's A Small World
Well It Isn't Long And It Isn't Very Thick,
It Gets Hard Too Slow And It Cums Too Quick,
It Gets Lost In Her Twat,
But It's All That He's Got,
It's A Small, Small, Dick.
It's A Small Dick After All,
It's A Small Dick After All,
Always Limp From Alcohol,
It's A Small, Small, Dick!
I Wanna Grab Your Ass! – Melody - I Wanna Hold Your Hand
Oh Yeah, I'll Tell You Something
I Think You'll Find A Blast
When I'll Say That Something
I Wanna Grab Your Ass
I Wanna Grab Your Ass
I Wanna Grab Your Ass
Oh Please, Come To Me
Show Me You Got No Class
And Please, Say To Me
You Wanna Grab My Ass!
I'll Let Pinch Your Ass
I Wanna Grab Your Ass!
And When I Touch You I Feel Hard
Inside
It's Such A Feeling That My Pants
I Can't Hide
I Can't Hide
I Can't Hide
Yeah, You've Got That Something
A Touch Of Class
When I'll Say That Something
I Wanna Grab Your Ass
I Wanna Grab Your Ass
I Wanna Grab Your Ass
When I Touch You I Feel Hard
Inside
It's Such A Feeling That My Pants
I Can't Hide
I Can't Hide
I Can't Hide
Yeah, You've Got That Something
A Touch Of Class
When I'll Say That Something
I Wanna Grab Your Ass
I Wanna Grab Your Ass
I Wanna Grab Your Ass
I Wanna Grab Your Ass
Jesus Saves - Melody - Battle Hymn Of The Republic
Jesus Can't Go Hashing
'Cause He's Nailed Upon The Cross;
Jesus Can't Go Hashing 'Cause He's Nailed Upon The Cross;
Jesus Can't Go Hashing 'Cause He's Nailed Upon The Cross;
Jesus Saves, Jesus Saves, Jesus Saves!
Chorus
Free Beer For Jesus;
Free Beer For Jesus;
Free Beer For Jesus;
Jesus Saves, Jesus Saves, Jesus Saves!
Additional Verses:
Jesus Don't Need Flour 'Cause He Lays The Trail In Blood;
Don't Give Your Beer To Jesus 'Cause He'll Turn It Into Wine;
When Jesus Is The Hash Chef, All We Get Is Fish;
We Like To Hash With Jesus 'Cause He Always Cleans Our Feet;
Jesus Won't Come Hashing Because Judas Pissed Him Off;
Jesus Can't Go Hashing 'Cuz His Feet Are Tied Together
When Judas Goes Hashing, He Pays With Silver Coins;
Jesus Can't Lay Trail Because The Flour Falls Through His Hands
The Pack Can't Catch
Jesus 'Cuz He Skips Across The Pond (Runs Across The Lake)
The Harriettes Love Jesus 'Cuz He's Hung Like This
Jesus Can’t Go Hashing ‘Cause There’s A Rock In Front Of His Cave (Stuck Behind A Rock)
Jesus Can’t Go Hashing ‘Cause He’s Only Got Twelve Friends
Jesus Can't Hash 'Cause His Dad'll Fix The Trail,
Jesus Can't Go Hashing 'Cause He's Dead,
(On Your Knees) Jesus, We're Only Kidding
Let's Fist Again – Melody -
Let's Twist Again
(Back to the top)
Come On, Everybody!
Lube Your Hands!
Ahh, You're Looking Good!
I'm Gonna Sing My Song
It Won't Take Long!
We're Gonna Do The Fist
And It Goes Like This -
Come On,
Let's Fist Again!
Spike It In That Bummer!
Yeaaah,
Let's Fist Again!
Spike It In That Rear!
Forget Your Members, Men!
And Forget Free Hummers!
Yeaaah,
Let's Fist Again!
Fistin' Time Is Here!
Eeeee-Yow!!-And-Oww!!-And-In-And-Out
We Go Again!
Oh Baby - Make Me Groan Now - Shove My Hole - And Then -
Fist Again!
Spike It In That Bummer!
Come On,
Let's Fist Again!
Spike It In That Rear!
Fist!
Yo!
Who's That, Pryin' Up There?
Is It A Turd? Noooooo
Is It A Pain? Noooooooo
Is It The Fister? Yeaaaaaaahh!
Fist Again!
Spike It In That Bummer!
Come On,
Let's Fist Again!
Spike It In That Rear!
Forget Your Members, Men!
And Forget Free Hummers!
Come On,
Let's Fist Again!
Fistin' Time Is Here!
Eeeee-Yow!!-And-Oww!!-And-In-And-Out
We Go Again!
Oh Baby - Make Me Groan Now - Shove My Hole - And Then -
Fist Again!
Spike It In That Bummer!
Come On,
Let's Fist Again!
Spike It In That Rear!
Come On,
Let's Fist Again!
Fistin' Time Is Heeeere!
Masturbation Song - Melody - Funiculi, Funicula
Last Night I Stayed Up Late And Masturbated,
It Felt So Good, I Knew It Would.
Last Night I Stayed Up Late To Masturbate,
It Felt So Nice, I Did It Twice.
You Should Have Seen Me On The Short Strokes,
It Felt So Grand, I Used My Hand,
And You Should Have Seen Me On The Long Strokes,
It Felt So Neat, I Used My Feet.
Shake It, Break It, Beat It On The Floor,
Smash It, Bash It, Thrust It Through The Door,
Some People Seem To Think That Fornication's Grand,
But For All-Around Enjoyment, I Prefer To Use My Hand!
______
Next Door, She Laid And Masturbated,
It Did Her Good, She Knew It Would.
All Night, The Bed Springs They Vibrated,
She Thinks It's Canny, To Rub Her Fanny.
You Should Have Seen Her On The Short Strokes,
It Felt So Grand, She Used Her Hand.
You Should Have Seen Her On The Long Strokes,
Around And Round, And Up And Down.
Eased It, Teased It, Slid Along The Floor,
Rubbed It, Scrubbed It, Tickled It To The Core.
Some People Say That Being Fucked Is Very Grand,
But For Personal Enjoyment, She Would Rather Use Her Hand.
Meet The Hashers - Melody - Flintstones Theme
Hashers, Meet The Hashers,
They're The Biggest Drunks In History,
From The Bj Hash House,
They're The Leaders In Debauchery.
Half Minds, Trailing Shiggy Through The Years,
Watch Them As They Down A Lot Of Beers,
Down Down, Down Down Down Down,
Down Down Down Down Down Down Down Down Down,
Down Down, Down Down Down Down,
Down Down Down Down Down Down Down Down Down.
Zip-A-Dee-Do-Dah, Zip-A-Dee-Day,
My Oh My, What A Miserable Lay.
Haring Is Great But, Beerings The Best,
Time For Your Down-Down, Put The Ice On The Chest.
Slap Your Ass Cheeks 'Round That Ice Hole, It's A Fact, It's Irrefutable, It's Cold Right On Your Pubicals.
Zip-A-Dee-Do-Dah, Zip-A-Dee-Day,
Down-Downs Are Better Than Your Miserable Lay.
Mr. Blue Balls Formed An Icicle
He's All Cold And Furry Too, Better Find Something To Screw
Oh Zip-A-Dee-Do-Dah, Zip-A-Dee-Day,
Hope You Like Ice, 'Cause That's Where You'll Stay.
Leader: Today Is Monday!
All: Today Is Monday!
Leader: Monday Is A Wanking Day! (Wanking Motion)
All: Monday Is A Wanking Day! (Wanking Motion)
Chorus:
Leader: Are We Gonna Have A Good Time?
All: You Bet Your Ass We Are!
All: (Raise Cups Over Heads And Make One Complete Turn While Humming) Da Da Dut Da Da, Da Da Dut Da Da
Leader: Today Is Tuesday!
All: Today Is Tuesday!
Leader: Tuesday Is A Finger Day! (Fingering Motion)
All: Tuesday Is A Finger Day! (Fingering Motion)
Leader: Monday Is A Wanking Day! (Wanking Motion)
All: Monday Is A Wanking Day! (Wanking Motion)
Chorus
(Now That You've Got The Idea, Here Are The Rest Of The Days)
Wednesday Is A Hmmmm Day! (Stick Tongue Between 2nd & 3rd Fingers)
Thursday Is A Drinking Day! (Raise Glass In Salute)
Friday Is A Fucking Day! (Humping Motions, Cheering, Happiness)
Saturday Is A Hashing Day! (Running Motions, Cheering, Happiness)Day Of Rest
Sunday Is A Hashing Day (Low Key, Almost Quiet)
(Modify As Needed For Local Hashing Day, Etc . . .)
Mrs. Murphy Song – Melody – My Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer
Oh, Take It In The Hand (Or Mouth), Mrs Murphy,
It Only Weighs A Quarter Of A Pound.
It’s Got Hair Round Its Neck Like A Turkey,
And It Spits At You When You Shake (Jerk/Choke) It Up And Down.
Drink It Down, Down, Down . .
My Father Makes Book On The Corner,
My Mother Makes Illicit Gin,
My Sister Sells Kisses To Sailors,
My God How The Money Rolls In.
Chorus:
Rolls In, Rolls In,
My God How The Money Rolls In, Rolls In,
Rolls In, Rolls In,
My God How The Money Rolls In.
My Mother's A Bawdy House Keeper,
Each Night When The Evening Grows Dim,
She Hangs Out A Little Red Lantern,
My God How The Money Rolls In.
My Cousin's A Harley Street Surgeon,
With Instruments Long, Sharp, And Thin,
He Only Does One Operation,
My God How The Money Rolls In.
Uncle Joe Is A Registered Plumber,
His Business In Holes And In Tin,
He'll Plug Up Your Hole For A Tenner,
My God How The Money Rolls In.
My Brother's A Slum Missionary,
He Saves Fallen Women From Sin,
He'll Save You A Blonde For A Dollar,
My God How The Money Rolls In.
My Two Big Pink Balls - Melody – Itself
Chorus:
Balls! Balls! They’re So Much Fun
That’s Why I Have Two, Not Just One.
Two Great Big Pink Balls.
I Like To Bounce Them, Roll Them, Hold Them,
Sometimes I Can’t Control Them
My Two Big Pink Balls.
When I Was A Little Boy, I Had Two Big Pink Balls
I Took Them With Me Everywhere.
Mama Said Don’t Play With Your Balls In The House…
So I Took My Balls Outside…
And When I Played With My Balls All The Others Would Stare.
I Was Playing With My Balls In The Kitchen
And They Fell In My Mom’s Pie.
I Got Whip Cream All Over My Two Balls
I Put Them Down On The Floor And Then My Dog Saw It
My Mama Walked In And Said Why Are You Letting The Dog Lick Your Balls.
Chorus
Nipples, Niples, N I P P L E S
Lick’em, Flick’em, N I P P L E S
Nipples, Nipples Covered In Goo.
That’s Where Baby’s Go To Get Food.
Nipples, Nipples,
They’re What Make The Titties Fun.
No Blow Song - Melody - Looney Tunes Theme
You Seem Somewhat Forgetful,
Remind You? Maybe This'll,
Next Time You Come, Don't Be So Dumb,
Just Bring Your Fucking Whistle!
Old Mcdonald Had A Farm,
Ei-I-Ei-I-O
And On This Farm He Had A Ram
Ei-I-Ei-I-O
With A Ram Ram Here
And A Ram Ram There,
Here A Ram, There A Ram,
Everywhere A Ram Ram,
Old Mcdonald Had A Farm
Ei-I-Ei-I-Oooo
Old Mcdonald Had A Farm,
Ei-I-Ei-I-O
And On This Farm He Had A Whale
(Spit Beer Into The Air)
Piss Off, Ya Wank - Melody - Auld Lang Syne
Piss Off, Ya Wank, Piss Off, Ya Wank,
Piss Off, Ya Wank, Piss Off,
Piss Off, Ya Wank, Piss Off, Ya Wank,
Piss Off, Ya Wank, Piss Off.
Pissanya, Pissanya - Melody - Itself
Pissanya, Pissanya,
Pissanya,
It’s Russian For Ňi Love Ya,Ó
If I Had My Way I’d Pissanya All Day,
Pissanya, Pissanya, Pissanya.
Shittanya, Shittanya,
Shittanya,
It’s Russian For Ňi Adore Ya,Ó
If I Had My Way I’d Shittanya All Day,
Shittanya, Shittanya, Shittanya.
Comeanya, Comeanya,
Comeanya,
It’s Russian For Ňi Worship Ya,Ó
If I Had My Way I’d Comeanya All Day,
Pissanya, Shittanya, Comeanya.
Drink It Down, Down, Down . . .
Put Your Left Leg Over My Shoulder - Melody - Side By Side
Put Your Left Leg Over My Shoulder,
Put Your Right Leg Over My Shoulder,
(Wag Tongue)
La La La La La, La La La La, La La La.
Put Your Left Tit Over My Shoulder,
Put Your Right Tit Over My Shoulder,
(Shake Head)
Bla Bla Bla Bla Bla, Bla Bla Bla Bla, Bla Bla Bla.
Sally In The Alley, Sifting Cinders,
Lifted Up Her Leg And Farted Like A Man,
Wind From Her Ass Blew Out Six Winders,
Ass Cheeks Flapping Blam! Blam! Blam!
Shitty Trail – Melody - Itself
S-H-I… T-T-Y …. T-R-A-I-L !
Shitty Trail, Shitty Trail
The Mother Fuckers Laid A Shitty Trail!
I Would Rather Drink Some Beer Than Hash A Shitty Trail.
S-H-I… T-T-Y ….. T-R-A-I-L !
Drink It Down, Down, Down ….
(With Reverence)
Hymn, Hymn, (Her, Her,)
Fuck Him . . . (Fuck Her . . .)
I Would……..
Soldier Song - Melody - Itself
Asshole, Asshole, A Soldier I Will Be,
To Piss, To Piss, Two Pistols On My Knee,
For Cunt, For Cunt, To Fight For My Country,
Asshole, Asshole, Asshole, Asshole,
A Soldier I Will Be.
Drink It Down, Down, Down . . .
She's A Little Sexpot – Melody - I'm A Little Teapot
She's A Little Sexpot
Short And Squat
Here Are Her Handles
Here Is Her Twat
When She's All Filled Up
Then Hear Her Shout
"Bend Me Over
And Eat Me Out!"
Swilligan's Island – Melody – Gilligan’s Island Theme
Just Sit Right Back
And You'll Hear A Tale,
A Tale Of A Fateful Trip.
That Started From This Tropic Port,
Aboard This Tiny Ship.
The Mate Was A Mighty
Sailin' Man,
The Skipper Brave And Sure.
Five Passengers Set Sail That Day,
For A Three Hour Tour, A Three Hour Tour.
The Weather Started
Getting Rough,
The Tiny Ship Was Tossed.
If Not For The Courage Of The Fearless Crew,
The Minnow Would Be Lost; The Minnow Would Be Lost.
The Ship Set Ground On
The Shore Of This Uncharted Desert Isle,
With Gilligan, The Skipper Too,
The Millionaire, And His Wife,
The Movie Star, And The Rest,
(The Movie Star, The Professor And Mary Ann,)
Here On Gilligan's Isle.
So This Is The Tale Of
Our Castaways,
They're Here For A Long Long Time.
They'll Have To Make The Best Of Things,
It's An Uphill Climb.
The First Mate And His
Skipper Too,
Will Do Their Very Best,
To Make The Others Comfortable,
In The Tropic Island Nest.
No Phones, No Lights,
No Motor Cars,
Not A Single Luxury.
Like Robinson Crusoe,
It's Primitive As Can Be.
So Join Us Here Each
Week My Friend,
You're Sure To Get A Smile.
From Seven Stranded Castaways,
Here On Swilligan's Isle.
Thank God She Finally Shut Up - Melody - Looney Tunes Theme
Thank God She Finally Shut Up,
She's Always Fuckin' Bitchin',
Now Drink Your Beer, Get Out Of Here,
Get Back Into The Kitchen!
The Beery Bunch - Melody - Brady Bunch Theme
Of A Thirsty Hasher,
Who Was Running At The Back Of A Pack.
Every Bad Trail That There Was,
Well He Found It.
He Must Have Ran For Miles!
It's The Story,
Of Some Sacred Nectar,
That Was Chilling With A Mind Of It's Own.
It Was One Beer,
Sitting In The Cooler,
Yet It Still Had No Foam.
'Till The Circle,
When The Hasher Met The Nectar.
And He Knewwww It Just Couldn't Stick Around.
That's When His Shorts Went Down Around His Ankles
And The Beer Became A Down Down Down!
A Down Down Down!
A Down Down Down!
That's The Waaaaayyyyyyy It Became A Down Down Down!
The Button Factory - Melody - Itself
Chorus:
Hi, My Name Is Joe,
And I Work At The Button Factory,
Got A Wife, Three Kids - All Brats,
And The Boss He Says To Me:
He Says, "Joe, Are You Busy?"
I Say, "No."
He Says, "Push This Button With Your __________"
Words & Actions:
Left Finger
Right Finger
Left Toe
Right Toe
Nose
Big Fat Ass
Etc . . .
Last Chorus:
Hi, My Name Is Joe,
And I Work At The Button Factory,
Got A Wife, Three Kids - All Brats,
And The Boss He Says To Me:
He Says, "Joe, Are You Busy?"
I Say, "Yes!"
The Horny Hasher - Melody - Brady Bunch Theme
Here's A Story, Of A Horny Hasher,
Who Was Fucking Everything That He Saw.
Every Bad Tail There Was, Well He Tapped It,
By Then His Dick Was Raw.
Here's A Story, Of A Horny Chick,
Who Had Her Legs Open All Of The Time.
Every Cock She Saw, Well She Sucked It,
She Di'nt Even Charge A Dime.
Till The Hot Tub When This Hasher Met This Chick,
And They Started Fucking Around.
That's When Her Pants Went Down Around Her Ankles,
And His Dick Became Brown, Brown, Brown.
Down Down Down!!!
The Little Brown Mouse - Melody - Itself
Oh, The Liquor Was Spilled On The Barroom Floor,
And The Place Was Closed For The Night,
When Out From His Hole Crept A Little Brown Mouse,
And Sat In The Pale Moonlight.
Oh, He Lapped Up The Liquor On The Barroom Floor,
And Back On His Haunches He Sat,
And All Night Long You Could Hear Him Roar,
Bring On The Goddamned Cat!
Optional Verse:
Oh, The Cat Came Out And They Had A Little Spat,
And The Cat Ate Up On The Mouse,
And The Moral Of The Story Is,
You Can't Drink Liquor On The House!
The
S & M Man - Melody - The Candy Man (Take Turns Leading Verses)
(Back to the top)
Songmaster: Who Can Take
A Bicycle,
Pack: Who Can Take A Bicycle,
Songmaster: Tear Off The Seat.
Pack: Tear Off The Seat.
Songmaster: Put His Sister On It, Push Her Down A Bumpy Street.
Chorus
Together:
The S & M Man,
'Cause He Mixes It With Love,
And Makes The Hurt Feel Good.
Makes The Hurt Feel Good.
Who Can Take Just Two
Bricks,
Take One In Each Hand,
Bang Them On His Balls,
Like The Cymbals In The Band?
Who Can Take A Dildo,
Ram It Up Your Rear.
Then Fuck Ya All Night Long,
Until The Shit Comes Out Your Ears.
Who Can Take Your
Penis,
Tie It All In Knots,
Wipe It All With Shiggy,
Until The Fucker Rots?
Who Can Take A Puppy,
Hold It By The Ears,
Fuck It In The Ass,
Until It Sheds Those Puppy Tears?
Who Can Take A Wood
Saw,
Rusted, Dully Cuts,
Saw It Back And Forth,
Til He Cuts Off Both Your Nuts?
Who Can Take A
Chainsaw,
Rev It Up Real High,
Shove It Up Your Ass,
Just To Hear You Scream And Sigh?
Who Can Take Some
Sandpaper,
With Very Course Grit,
Rub It Back And Forth,
Until You Have A Bleeding Clit?
Who Can Take A
Chainsaw,
Cut The Bitch In Two,
Fuck The Bottom Half,
And Give The Other Half To You?
Who Take Some Jumper
Cables,
Clamp One To Each Tit,
Slap Them On The Batt'ry,
Then Ride The Shaking Bitch?
Who Can Take A Sander,
Made By Black And Decker,
Rub It Up And Down,
Until You've Got A Bleedin' Pecker?
Who Can Take A Riding
Crop,
Beat You 'Cross The Chest.
Ride You Like A Pony,
'Til You Think That You're The Best.
Who Can Take A Hammer,
And Pound It On Your Dick,
And Hit It Even Harder,
'Til You Cum Until You're Sick?
Who Can Take A Candle,
Melt It On Your Skin.
Watch It Blister Up,
Then Stick It With A Pin.
Who Can Take Your
Penis,
Put It In A Door,
Slam It Really Hard,
Until You're Screaming- More, More!?
Who Can Take A Tire
Iron,
Stick Up Your Hole,
Screw A Jack Way Up Your Ass,
Until You Rock 'N Roll.
Who Can Find Some
Newlyweds,
Sneak Into Their Room,
Fuck The Bride In Bed,
And Sodomize The Groom?
Who Can Take A
Transient,
Rip Out One Of His Eyes,
Skull Fuck The Bastard,
Until The Cum He Cries?
Who Can Take A Little
Girl,
Before She's On The Rag,
Fuck Her Till She's Dead,
And Then Toss Her In A Bag?
Who Can Take A Pussy,
Suck Out All The Yeast,
Spit It Out Into Some Dough,
And Bake It For A Feast?
Who Can Take A Hair
Curler,
Turn It Up On High,
Stick It In Her Cunt,
And Listen To Her Fry?
Who Can Take Two Ice
Picks,
Stick One In Each Ear,
And Ride You Like A Harley,
While He Fucks You Up The Rear?
Who Can Take A Light
Bulb,
Shove It Up Your Arse,
Fuck You Up The Rear,
Til You're Shitting Chunks Of Glass?
Who Can Shave Your
Pussy,
Without The Shaving Cream,
Slap Some On Some Aqua Velva,
Just To Hear You Scream?
Who Can Take A
Vibrator,
Give It To Ya Hard.
Fuck Ya All Night Long,
Like The Nympho That Ya Are.
Who Can Take A Glass
Rod,
Shove It Up Your Prick,
Put It On The Table,
And Smash It With A Brick?
Who Can Take A Coke
Bottle,
Shove It Up Her Ass,
Kidney Punch The Bitch,
Until She's Shitting Blood And Glass?
Who Can Take A Vice
Clamp,
Clamp It On A Tit,
Squeeze The Sucker Down,
Until It Pops Just Like A Zit?
Who Can Take A Cheese
Grater,
Strap It To His Arm,
Fist Fuck The Bitch,
And Make Vagina Parmesan?
Who Can Take A Baby,
Throw It On A Pile,
And Fuck It Up Its Ass,
Sish-Ka-Bob Style?
Who Can Take Some
Fiberglass,
Wrap It Round His Pud,
Shove It Up Your Ass,
Until You're Shitting Chunks Of Blood?
Who Could Take A Girl
Scout,
Get A Little Nookie
Punch Her In The Jaw,
And Steal Her Fucking Cookies?
Who Can Take Your
Grandma
Bend Her Over On The Lawn
Fuck Her Up The Ass
While Grandpa Cheers You On
Who Can Cut Your Dick
Off,
And Feed It To The Cat,
'Cause We All Know Hungry Pussies,
Need More And More Of That.
Who Wears Pants With
Zippers,
And No Underwear,
Then Pulls Them Up And Down,
Until He Has No Pubic Hair?
Who Can Take A
Pregnant Woman,
Fuck Her Til She's Dead,
Fuck Her Even Harder,
Til The Fetus Gives Him Head?
Who Can Take A
Hangman's Noose,
Slip It 'Round Your Head,
Climb A Box And Pull The Rope,
And Fuck You Till You're Dead.
Who Can Take A
Branding Iron,
Fire It 'Til Its Hot.
Ram It Up Your Ass,
When Your Wad Is Almost Shot.
Who Can Take A Baby,
Lay It On A Bed,
Turn The Bugger Over,
Fuck The Soft Spot In Its Head?
Who Can Work
Abortions,
Wrap Them In A Sack,
Save Them All For Later,
When He Wants A Tasty Snack?
Who Can Go To An
Abortion Clinic,
Sneak Around The Back,
Rummage Through The Dumpster
And Grab A Tasty Snack?
Who Can Go To An
Abortion Clinic,
Fuck Sneaking Round The Back,
Enter Through The Front Door
And Take One Off The Rack?
Who Can Take 2 Ice
Picks
Ram 'Em In Her Ears
Ride Her Like A Harley
While He Fucks Her Up Her Rear
Who Can Take Your
Scrotum,
Stick It With A Pin,
Hang On A Bunch Of Weights,
Till It Drags Down To Your Shins?
Who Can Take Some
Handcuffs,
Tie You To The Bed,
Whip You On The Bottom,
'Til Your Ass Is Bloody Red.
Who Can Drive An
Ambulance,
To A Totaled Cadillac,
Fuck The Injured Woman,
And Her Daughters In The Back.
Who Will Run Through
Briars,
Ripping Up His Flesh,
And Like A Crazy Hasher,
Repeat The Bloody Mess?
The Virgin's Garter – Melody - Itself
High Above The Virgins Garter,
High Above Her Knee,
Lies The Secret Of Her Honor,
Her Virginity.
Roll Her Over,
Oh So Slowly,
Softly In The Grass.
That Is What We Live And Die For,
(As You Spin Her 180 Degrees)
A Piece Of Virgin Ass. (As You Grab Or Point To Her Ass.)
There Was A Little Bird - Melody - Itself
There Was A Little Bird,
No Bigger Than A Turd,
A-Sittin' On A Telephone Pole.
He Ruffled Up His Neck,
And Shit About A Peck,
He Puckered Up His Little Asshole.
(Point At Violators): Asshole, Asshole, Asshole, Asshole,
He Puckered Up His Little Asshole.
School Bell Rings,
I'm Racing Out The Door
Got My Mind On Something That I've Been Waiting For
I Want A Tall Glass Of Milk And A Glass Of Oreo's
There's Something In My Driveway With A Big Shiney Nose
There's A Cow Parked In My Driveway
Plain As It Could Be
There's A Cow Parked In My Driveway
Would Someone Please Help Me
So I Picked Up My Books And I Picked Up My Jaw
I Ran Into The House To Tell Mom What I Saw
There's A Note On The 'Fridge: Out Of Milk, Love Mom
I'm Gone To The Market And I Won't Be Long
There's A Cow Parked In My Driveway
A Thought Just Came To Me
There's A Cow Parked In My Driveway
Maybe There's Milk For Free
So I Called Up Billy And I Called Up Sue
I've Got A Cow In My Driveway And I Don't Know What To Do
Milk Comes Out Of Cows But I Don't Know Where To Start
Cause There's Too Many Handles And There's Too Many Parts
There's A Cow Parked In My Driveway
Come On Over And See
There's A Cow Parked In My Driveway
Come Figure This Out With Me
So We Cranked On Her Tail And We Patted Her Nose
We Blew In Her Horns And We Tickeled Her Toes
Billy Pulled This And Susie Pulled That
But All That Happened Was A Big Ker-Splat
Now There's A Cowpie In My Driveway
That's All She Gave Today
There's A Cowpie In My Driveway
That's All I Have To Say
They Ought To Be Publicly Pissed On - Melody - Itself
They Ought To Be Publicly Pissed On,
They Ought To Be Publicly Shot,
They Ought To Be Tied To A Urinal,
And Left There To Fester And Rot,
Drink It Down, Down, Down . . .
This Is Your Down-Down Song - Melody - Ta-Rah-Rah-Boom Te-Aay
This Is Your Down-Down Song,
It Isn't Very Long. . . .
Wedding Song - Melody - Amazing Grace
Today We Wed (Name) To (Name),
We Heard Them Say "I Do."
Give It Your Best, For The Next Forty Years,
But First Drink Down Your Beers.
We've Got Virgins - Melody - Frere Jacques
We've Got Virgins,
We've Got Virgins,
At Our Hash,
At Our Hash,
Gonna Get'em Drunked Up,
Gonna Get'em Fucked Up,
Down The Hatch,
Up The Ass,
So Drink It Down, Down, Down . . .
What A Wank - Melody - William Tell Overture
What A Wank, What A Wank, What A Wank, Wank, Wank,
What A Wank, What A Wank, What A Wank, Wank,Wank,
What A Wank, What A Wank, What A Wank, Wank, Wank,
What A Wank, What A Wank, Wank, Wank.
What A Wank, What A Wank, What A Wank, Wank, Wank, Wank, Wank, Wank, Wank, Wank, Wank,
What A Wank, What A Wank, What A Wank, Wank, Wank, Wank, Wank, Wank Wank.
What A Wank, What A Wank, What A Wank, Wank, Wank,
What A Wank, What A Wank, What A Wank, Wank, Wank,
What A Wank, What A Wank, What A Wank, Wank, Wank,
What A Wank, What A Wank, Wank, Wank . . .
When The End Of The Month Rolls Around - Melody - As The Cassions Go Rolling Along
You Can Tell By The Stain That She's In A Lot Of Pain
When The End Of The Month Rolls Around.
You Can Tell By Her Stance She's Got Cotton In Her Pants
When The End Of The Month Rolls Around.
Chorus:
For It's Hi, Hi, Hee, In The Kotex Industry,
Shout Out Your Sizes Loud And Strong:
We've Got Small, Medium, And Large
We've Got Rags To Fit A Barge
When The End Of The Month Rolls Around.
You Can Tell By Her Walk That You'll Sit Around And Talk
When The End Of The Month Rolls Around.
You Can Tell By The Blotch That She's Got A Leaky Crotch
When The End Of The Month Rolls Around.
You Can Tell By Her Eyes There Is Blood Between Her Thighs
When The End Of The Month Rolls Around.
You Can Tell By Her Pout That Her Eggs Are Falling Out
When The End Of The Month Rolls Around.
You Can Tell By The Smell That She Isn't Feeling Well,
When The End Of The Month Comes Around.
You Can Bet It Ain't Sweat,
When Her Underwear Is Wet,
When The End Of The Month Rolls Around.
Where Were You Last Week? - Melody - Where Oh Where Were You Last Night (From Hee Haw)
Where, Oh Where Were You Last Week?
Why Did You Make Us Hash All Alone?
You Fat Lazy Bastards, You Weren't Even Here.
So We Fucked All The Virgins And Drank All The Beer.
Down, Down, Drink It All Down
Drink It All Down, Drink All Of That Beer
You Fat Lazy Bastards, You Weren't Even Here.
So We Fucked All The Virgins And Drank All The Beer.
Drink It Down, Down, Down, Down . . .
Why Are We Waiting? - Melody - Come Let Us Adore Him
Why Are We Waiting,
Could Be Fornicating (Masturbating, Etc),
Oh, Why Are We Waiting,
So Fucking Long, Etc . . .
Why Was He Born So Beautiful? - Melody - Itself
Why Was He Born So Beautiful?
Why Was He Born At All?
He's No Fuckin' Use To Anyone,
He's No Bloody Use At All.
They Say He's A Joy To His Mother,
But He's A Pain In The Asshole To Me,
He's Fresh As A Daisy,
He Drives Me Crazy,
So Drink It Down, Down, Down . . .
Ya Ho! Ya Ho! Ya Ho! – Melody - When Johnny Comes Marching Home
I Placed My Hand Upon Her Toe
Yo-Ho, Yo-Ho
(Repeat)
I Place My Hand Upon Her Toe
She Said "Hey Hasher You're Way Too Low"
Get It In Get It Out Quit Fuckin' About
Yo-Ho, Yo-Ho, Yo-Ho
I Placed My Hand Upon Her Thigh
Yo-Ho, Yo-Ho
(Repeat)
I Place My Hand Upon Her Thigh
She Said "Hey Hasher You're Way Too Sly"
Get It In Get It Out Quit Fuckin' About
Yo-Ho, Yo-Ho, Yo-Ho
I Placed My Hand Upon Her Tit
Yo-Ho, Yo-Ho
(Repeat)
I Place My Hand Upon Her Tit
She Said "Hey Hasher Go For The Clit"
Get It In Get It Out Quit Fuckin' About
Yo-Ho, Yo-Ho, Yo-Ho
I Placed My Hand Upon Her Snatch
Yo-Ho, Yo-Ho
(Repeat)
I Place My Hand Upon Her Snatch
She Said "Hey Hasher Go For The Hatch"
Get It In Get It Out Quit Fuckin' About
Yo-Ho, Yo-Ho, Yo-Ho
I Placed My Cock Inside Her Mouth
Yo-Ho, Yo-Ho
(Repeat)
I Placed My Cock Inside Her Mouth
She Said "Hey Hasher Agh-Aaaaa!!!"
Get It In Get It Out Quit Fuckin' About
Yo-Ho, Yo-Ho, Yo-Ho
Now She Lies In A Wooden Box
Yo-Ho, Yo-Ho
(Repeat)
Now She Lies In A Wooden Box
She Died From Sucking Too Many Hasher's Cocks
Get It In Get It Out Quit Fuckin' About
Yo-Ho, Yo-Ho, Yo-Ho
We Dig Her Up Every Now And Then
Yo-Ho, Yo-Ho
(Repeat)
We Dig Her Up Every Now And Then
We Fucked Her Once We'll Fuck Her Again
Get It In Get It Out Quit Fuckin' About
Yo-Ho, Yo-Ho, Yo-Ho
Yogi Bear Song - Melody - Itself
To The Tune Of Camptown Races
There Is A Bear In The Deep Dark Woods,
Yogi, Yogi,
There Is A Bear In The Deep Dark Woods,
Yogi, Yogi Bear.
Chorus (Repeat Previous Verse):
Yogi, Yogi Bear,
Yogi, Yogi Bear,
There Is A Bear In The Deep Dark Woods,
Yogi, Yogi Bear.
Other Verses:
Yogi Has A Little Friend, Boo-Boo, Boo-Boo
Boo-Boo Has A Girlfriend, Cyndi, Cyndi
Yogi Has A Girlfriend, Suzi, Suzi
Cyndi Has A Shaven Snatch, Grizzly, Grizzly
Cyndi Wears Crotchless Undies, Teddy, Teddy
Cyndi Likes It On The Ice, Polar, Polar
Cyndi Gets What She Deserves, Pregnant, Pregnant
Suzi Likes It Up The Rear, Dirty, Dirty
Suzi's Boyfriend Has No Teeth, Gummi, Gummi
Suzi's Snatch It Smells Like Cheese, Camel, Camel
Suzi She Has Great Big Tits, More Than, More Than (I Can Bear)
Suzi Gets Four Bits An Hour, Jingle, Jingle
Cyndi's Tampon Has No String, Cotton, Cotton
Yogi Didn't Use A Condom, Daddy, Daddy
Boo-Boo Likes It Upside Down, Koala, Koala
Boo-Boo Has A Twelve-Inch Cock, Cindy's A Lucky Bear
Boo-Boo's Only Three Feet Tall, Yogi's A Lucky Bear
Boo-Boo Likes It Up The Butt, Yogi's A Lucky Bear
Yogi Didn't Wipe His Butt, Brown, Brown
Yogi Uses Afro-Sheen, Black, Black
Yogi Got A Case Of Crabs, Itchy, Itchy
Yogi Lights Kuwaiti Farts, Saddam, Saddam
Boo-Boo Likes To Stroke His Tool, Wanker, Wanker
Yogi Also Likes Young Boys, Poofter, Poofter
Song Ender: Yogi He Has Hiv, Dying, Dying.
You are our ______
- Melody - You Are My Sunshine
You are our _______, our only ______,
You make us happy when skies are bleak.
You'll never know ______, how much we like you,
Please keep coming to Hash ev'ry week.
Drink it down, down, down . . .
Zicky-Zacky - The Purpose Of The Zicky-Zacky Chant Is To Point Out Breaches In Circle Etiquette - Members Of The Circle Surround The Offender And Repeat Chant Loudly:
Zicky-Zacky, Zicky-Zacky,
Hoy, Hoy, Hoy!
Zicky-Zacky, Zicky-Zacky,
Hoy, Hoy, Hoy!
Zicky-Zacky, Zicky-Zacky,
Hoy, Hoy, Hoy!
. . . And So On Until Offender Completes A Down-Down . . . Alternatively, The Zicky-Zacky Chant Can Be Performed Whenever Someone Screws Up A Verse In A Hash Song (Of Course, The Offending Singer Must Immediately Do A Down-Down While The Pack Chants). There Are Several Substitutes For "Zicky-Zacky" If You Get Bored With The Basic Chant, As In:
Shiggy Shaggy, Shiggy Shaggy,
Oi, Oi, Oi!
Motorcycle, Motorcycle,
Vroom, Vroom, Vroom!
Locomotive, Locomotive,
Choo, Choo, Choo!
Helicopter, Helicopter,
Whirl, Whirl, Whirl! (Or Whop, Whop, Whop!)
Submarine, Submarine,
Glug, Glug, Glug!
Motorcar, Motorcar,
Beep, Beep, Beep!
Telephone, Telephone,
Ring, Ring, Ring!
Penis, Penis,
Cum, Cum, Cum!
Eddie The Horny Reindeer - Melody - Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer
Eddie The Horny Reindeer
Used To Love The Reindeer Snatch.
You Would Always Find Him Looking
Searchin' Every Bush And Thatch.
All Of The Other Reindeer
Used To Love To Get A Lay.
But Eddie The Horny Reindeer
Had To Have It Every Day.
Then One Foggy Christmas Eve
Santa Came To Say,
Sorry Ed To Be So Blunt
But If You Don't Eat Pussy, You'll Get No Cunt.
Now All The Reindeer Love Him
And You'll Hear Them Shout With Glee.
Eddie The Horny Reindeer
Won't You Please Go Down On Me?
Holiday Song - Melody - Let It Snow
Well, The Weather Outside Is Frightful,
But My Dick Is So Delightful,
If You Really Want To See It Grow,
Give It A Blow, Give It A Blow, Give It A Blow.
It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Syphilis - Melody - It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas
It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Syphilis,
It's The Holiday Shove!
Take A Look At The Purple Sores,
Rotting Through To The Core,
Of The Blue Veins, Of Your Candy Cane,
Of Love!
It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Syphilis,
It Stings, When I Pee.
My Brain Has Turned To Purple,
My Sperm Has Begun To Curdle,
My Dick Looks Funny, It's Green And Runny,
With Fleas!
Bridge:
I Once Was A Stud,
With An Eight-Inch Pud,
I Was The Envy Of Hashland.
But, Safe Sex Was Neglected,
I Became Dickually Infected,
Now Pieces Come Off In My Hand.
It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Syphilis,
In The San Francisco Fog.
But The Merriest Sight You'll See,
Is The Festering That Will Be,
On Your Own Yule Log!
Jingle Balls (Version One) - Melody - Jingle Bells
Jingle Balls, Jingle Balls, Jingle All The Way,
Oh What Fun It Is To Run Around Naked In This Way,
Jingle Balls, Jingle Balls, Jingle All The Way,
Oh What Fun It Is To Run Round Naked Christmas Day.
Dashing Round The Block, Not Wearing Any Dacks,
One Hand On Your Cock, To Give Your Balls More Slack,
Bouncing Up And Down As We Run To And Fro,
We'll Jingle With Our Genitals Wherever We May Go.
(Repeat First Verse Running In Place With Hands On Crotches)
Jingle Balls (Version Two) - Melody - Jingle Bells
Dashing Through The Snow, Almost In The Nude,
Santa's Bollocks Glow, How Nice To Be So Rude.
The Bell At The Whorehouse Rings, He's Reserved A Cracking Tart,
She Always Wears His Picker Out And Climaxes With A Fart.
Chorus:
Jingle Balls, Jingle Balls, Shag 'Em All The Way,
Oh What Fun It Is To Fuck On The Eve Of Christmas Day,
Jingle Balls, Jingle Balls, Santa Isn't Gay,
Oh What Fun It Is To Shag On A One-Horse Open Sleigh.
Santa's On His Way, His Pants Are Round His Knees,
He's Got His End Away, And Rudolph Isn't Pleased.
Up On The Whorehouse Tiles, His Cock Begins To Swell,
The Whore Plays With His Piles, And Jerks Him Off As Well.
Oh Santa Won’t You Bring Me Some Boobies – Melody Itself
(Spoken) Dear Santa, You Know What A Girl Really Wants This Christmas?
Oh Santa Won’t You Bring Me Some Boobies?
I Want A Grown Up Present Too.
Daddy Wants A Hair Piece; Grandma Wants Some False Teeth…
I Want Two Great Big Boobs!!!
Santa Won’t You Bring Me Some Boobies?
On The Second Day Of Christmas Send To Me…
Two Jugs A Jiggling, One Rack A Wiggling
Double D’s In A Red Teddy.
Santa Won’t You Bring Me Some Boobies?
I Will Kiss You Beneath The Mistletoe.
You Can Make My Christmas Better
Put Some Melons In My Sweater.
Won’t You Stuff My Bra With Silicone.
Santa Won’t You Bring Me Some Boobies?
I’ll Be The Envy Of Every Girl In Town
Men Will Swarm Around Like Flies, Never Look Me In The Eyes.
They’ll Only See Those Peaks So Big And Round.
Oh Santa I Hope You Will Really Grant Me This Wish.
I Wish You A Merry Chrsitmas And A Happy Boob Year
Skippy The Squirrel - Melody - Frosty The Snowman
Skippy The Squirrel Is A Jolly Happy Soul,
With His Smashed Out Brains And His Broken Nose,
And Some Gravel Up His Hole.
Skippy The Squirrel Is A Hasher's Tale They Say,
He Was Just Too Slow And The Hashers Know,
He Was Squished To Death One Day.
There Must Have Been Some Magic,
In That Old Dead Squirrel They Found,
For When They Tied Him To The Bus He Began To Fly Around.
Oh, Skippy The Squirrel Is As Dead As He Can Be,
But The Hashers Say He Can Hash And Play,
Just The Same As You And Me.
(Happy Whistle Interlude)
Skippy The Squirrel Knew The Sun Was Hot That Day,
So He Said, "Lets Run,
And We'll Have Some Fun, Before I Rot Away."
Down To The Apres, With A Rope Tied To His Tail,
Flying Here And There, All Around The Square,
Saying , "You'll Go Straight To Hell."
He Led Them Down The Trail That Day,
Right To A Parking Lot,
Where Monster Bator Licked A Girl,
Whose Father Called A Cop.
Monster And Skippy Had To Hurry Out Of There,
But They Waved Good-Bye,
Sayin ', "Don't You Cry, We'll Be Back Again Next Year."
Thumpety Thump Thump, Thumpety Thump Thump,
Hear Those Squirrelies Die,
Thumpety Thump Thump, Thumpety Thump Thump,
Look At Skippy Fly.
The Restroom Door Said Gentlemen - Melody - God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen
The Restroom Door Said "Gentlemen" So I Just Walked Inside,
I Took Two Steps And Realized I'd Been Taken For A Ride.
I Heard High Voices, Turned And Found The Place Was Occupied
By Three Nuns, Two Old Ladies And A Nurse.
What Could Be Worse,
Than Three Nuns, Two Old Ladies And A Nurse?
The Restroom Door Said "Gentlemen," It Must Have Been A Gag.
As Soon As I Did Walk Therein, I Ran Into Some Old Hag.
She Sprayed Me With A Can Of Mace And Hit Me With Her Bag.
It Just Wasn't Cut Out To Be My Day.
What Can I Say?
It Just Wasn't Cut Out To Be My Day!
The Restroom Door Said "Gentlemen" And I Would Like To Find,
The Crummy Little Creep Who Had The Nerve To Switch The Sign.
Because I've Got Two Black Eyes And One High Heel Up My Behind.
Now I'll Never Sit In Comfort Or Joy.
Boy Oh Boy!
Now I'll Never Sit In Comfort Or Joy
.
Santa Claus Is Coming To Town - Melody - Same
You Better Watch Out,
You Better Not Cry,
You Better Not Pout, I'm Telling You Why,
Santa Claus Is Dead.
'Twas The Night Before Christmas - Recited
'Twas The Night Before Christmas, And God It Was Neat.
The Kids Were Both Gone, And My Wife Was In Heat.
The Doors Were All Bolted, The Phone Off The Hook,
It Was Time For Some Nooky, By Hook Or By Crook.
Momma In Her Teddy And I In The Nude,
We Had Just Hit The Bedroom And Reached For The Lube,
When Out On The Lawn There Arose Such A Cry,
That I Lost My Boner, And Momma Went Dry.
Up To The Window I Sprang Like An Elf,
Tore Back The Shade While She Played With Herself.
The Moon On The Crest Of The Snowman We'd Built,
Showed A Broom Up His Ass, Clean Up To The Hilt.
When What To My Wondering Eyes Should Appear,
But A Rusty Old Sleigh And Eight Mangy Reindeer.
With A Fat Little Driver, Half Out Of The Sled,
A Sock In His Ear And A Bra On His Head.
Sure As I'm Speaking, He Was High As A Kite,
And He Yelled To His Team, But It Didn't Sound Right.
"Whoa Shithead, Whoa Asshole, Whoa Stupid, Whoa Putz,
Either Slow Down This Rig Or I'll Cut Off Your Nuts.
Look Out For The Lamp Post, And Don't Hit The Tree,
Quit Shaking The Sleigh, 'Cause I Gotta Go Pee."
They Cleared The Old Lamp Post, The Tree Got A Rub,
Just As Santa Leaned Out And Threw Up On My Shrub.
And Then From The Roof We Heard Such A Clatter,
As Each Little Reindeer Now Emptied His Bladder.
I Was Donning My Jockies, To Cover My Ass,
When Down The Chimney Santa Came With A Crash.
His Suit Was All Smelly With Perfume Galore,
He Looked Like A Bum And He Smelled Like A Whore.
"That Was Some Brothel," He Said With A Smile,
"The Reindeer Are Pooped, So I'll Stay For A While."
He Walked To The Kitchen And Poured Him A Drink,
Then Whipped Out His Pecker And Pissed In The Sink.
I Started To Laugh, My Wife Smiled With Glee,
The Old Boy Was Hung Nearly Down To His Knee.
Back In The Den, Santa Reached In His Sack,
But His Toys Were All Gone, And Some New Things Were Packed.
The First Thing He Found Was A Pair Of False Tits,
The Next Was A Handgun With A Penis That Spits.
A Box Filled With Condoms Was Santa's Next Find,
And Six Pair Of Panties, The Edible Kind.
A Bra Without Nipples, A Penis Extension,
And Several More Things I Shouldn't Even Mention.
A Fuck Ring, A G-String, And All Types Of Oil,
And A Dildo So Long That It Lay In A Coil.
"This Stuff Ain't For Kids; Mrs. Santa Will Shit,
So I'll Leave 'Em Here, And Then I'll Just Split."
He Filled Every Stocking And Then Took His Leave,
With One Tiny Butt Plug Stuck Under His Sleeve.
He Sprang To His Sleigh, But His Feet Were Like Lead,
Thus He Fell On His Ass And Broke Wind Instead.
In Time He Was Seated, And Took Reigns Of His Hitch,
Saying, "Take Me Home, Rudolf . . . This Night's Been A Bitch!"
The Sleigh Was Near Gone When We Heard Santa Shout,
"The Best Thing About Pussy Is That You Can't Wear It Out!"
Walkin' 'Round In Womens' Underwear - Melody - Winter Wonderland
Lacy Things, The Wife Is Missin',
Didn't Ask For Her Permission,
I'm Wearin Her Clothes_Silk Panty Hose,
Walkin' Round In Womens' Underwear.
In The Store, There's A Teddy
Little Straps, Like Spaghetti
It Holds Me So Tight, Like Handcuffs At Night
Walkin' Round In Womens' Underwear.
In The Office There's A Guy Named Melvin,
He Pretends That I Am Murphy Brown,
He'll Say Are You Ready, I'll Say Whoa Man,
Let's Wait Until The Wife Is Out Of Town.
Later On, If You Wanna,
We Can Dress Like Madonna,
Put On Some Eye Shade And Join The Parade
Walkin' Round In Womens' Underwear.
Lacy Things The Wife Is Missin',
Didn't Ask For Her Permission,
I'm Wearin Her Clothes_Silk Panty Hose,
Walkin' Round In Womens' Underwear.
Walkin' Round In Womens' Underwear.
Walkin' Round In Womens' Underwear.
Whips And Chains - Melody - Silver Bells
Walking Sidewalks, City Sidewalks
In Her Leather And Heels,
In My Pants There's A Feeling Of Stiffness.
Her Name's Bambi, And It May Be,
That Tonight I Might Catch,
A Face Full Of Bambi's Pink Snatch.
Whips And Chains (Whips And Chains),
Beat Me Lame (Beat Me Lame),
My Only Pleasure Is Pain.
Crush My Balls (Crush My Balls),
Make Me Crawl (Make Me Crawl),
Bambi Please Make Me Your Slave.
'Twas The Night Before Christmas, And All Through The House,
Not A Creature Was Stirring, Not Even A Mouse,
When Out By The Chimney I Heard Something Pass,
It Was Santa Claus Slippin' On His Yass, Yass, Yass . . .