Hash Thrash #361 – By Just Carlos
Hash Thrash #359 – By Just Carlos
Hash trash for the month of March 2007 according to My Teacher Made Me Cum
BJ Hash Thrash Run through #155 (Latest update FYI)
BJ Hash Thrash Run #118-120 (Fun Week of Hashing)
BJ Hash Thrash Run #113 (Homecoming)
BJ Hash Thrash Run #54 (It took a while to top this one!)
BJ Hash Thrash Run #49-50 (Lazy Ass Hash)
BJ Hash Thrash Run #40 (St Paddy's Day)
BJ Hash Thrash Run #28 (Mardi Gras)
BJ Hash Thrash Run #5(Amigo Air Blo)
BJ Hash Thrash Run #4 (Homecumming)
BJ Hash Thrash Run #3 (basic)
BJ Hash Thrash Run #2 (basic)
BJ Hash Thrash Run #1 (basic)
Semi-Often Newsletter
If you missed the Hash last week, here is a recap of the day's event's.
Written by Butt Darts.
That’s right, this is the first hash Thrash for the Border Jumper Hash House Harriers. We will be known as the BJ Hash.
Any likeness or representation to any actual hasher living or dead is purely coincidental.
FRB - Front Running Bastard / Bitch: Hacker Whacker
DFL - Dead Fuckin' Last: What-A-Fucker
Hashit Recipient: Butt Darts
The Fuckin' Kit Recipient: ????
Virgins In Attendance (Sponsors): Just Jose
Cumming Problem: None, because it was our first
Weekly Song:
Due to being our first hash, I have selected a Prayer in lieu of a song.
HASHER'S PRAYER-----From the Global Trash Hash Bible,
by Stray Dog
God bless Gispert, hallowed be his name. His
hash be laid on earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily Beer. And
forgive us our Ah-Shits, as we also forgive those who pissed us off. And lead us
not unto temptation to Short-Cut; but deliver us to the On-In. For the beer is
cold, and the Pack is thirsty for ever and ever, Amen
Semi-Often Newsletter
If you missed the Hash last week, here is a recap of the day's event's.
Written by Butt Darts.
Well re decided to run the full moon last minute.
Any likeness or representation to any actual hasher living or dead is purely coincidental.
FRB - Front Running Bastard / Bitch: RUN Now
DFL - Dead Fuckin' Last: Works the Meat
Hashit Recipient: Butt Darts
The Fuckin' Kit Recipient: Not awarded this date
Virgins In Attendance (Sponsors): None
Cumming Problem: None
Weekly Song:
HE WANKS HIS CRANK
Melody - Itself
He wanks his crank in the morning
He wanks his crank in the night
He wanks his crank with his left hand
and he drinks his beer his right.
So drink it down, down, down . . .
Semi-Often Newsletter
If you missed the Hash last week, here is a recap of the day's event's.
Written by Butt Darts.
Oktoberfest
Any likeness or representation to any actual hasher living or dead is purely coincidental.
FRB - Front Running Bastard / Bitch:
DFL - Dead Fuckin' Last:
Hashit Recipient:
The Fuckin' Kit Recipient:
Virgins In Attendance (Sponsors): None
Cumming Problem: None
Weekly Song:
NO BLOW SONG (No whistle)
Melody - Looney Tunes Theme
You seem somewhat forgetful,
Remind you? Maybe this will,
Next time you come, don't be so dumb,
Just bring your fucking whistle!
Semi-Often Newsletter
If you missed the Hash last week, here is a recap of the day's event's.
Written by Butt Darts.
Well it started off like any other hash, late because people wait till the last minute. Even the hares were completing laying a dead trail at the scheduled start time. Everyone had a good time, and the harriets were had by all. The colors were White, Blue, and Orange, and I wore them with pride, pictures will be on site soon. The pack left Point A and immediately in Border Jumper tradition, had to scale a wall to start trail. In true hasher fashion, we set out looking for beer. The trail wound around the campus and tailgaters were given a spectacle to watch. Even the local Police and Sheriff's stopped traffic to let the hashers cross. There was some complaints about an unknown person throwing powder on campus, but the University had no issues with this because is was colored to honor UTEP. The pack was not given a beer check, and those in search of beer, found some along the trail, and especially at Point B. R-U-N Now had a difficult time hashing because she wore her flip flops and could not do the shiggy. While on trail before the start of the game, the pack was also treated to the UTEP Marching Band as they prepared to enter the stadium. At Point B, we ate, drank, cheered, and beered. With our uplifting trail, the UTEP Homecumming attendees were treated to a rousing win over the Hawaii Warriors. Everyone wanted to know as the left the stadium, "Where was that free beer those guys were talking about?". Hopefully they can find us next week.
FRB - Front Running Bastard / Bitch: Saltee
DFL - Dead Fuckin' Last: Butt Darts - only because the dumb ass was socializing
Hashit Recipient: Face Down and Spread 'em
The Fuckin' Kit Recipient: Not awarded as no one displayed Non-Menstrual Bleeding
Virgins In Attendance (Sponsors): Twat Rott attended her first BJ hash
Some biker dudes picked up by the Harriets
Cumming Problem: None
Weekly Song:
THE BEERY BUNCH
Melody - Brady Bunch Theme Song
Here's the story,
Of a thirsty hasher,
Who was running at the back of a pack.
Every bad trail that there was,
Well he found it.
He must have ran for miles!
It's the story,
Of some sacred nectar,
That was chilling with a mind of it's own.
It was one beer,
Sitting in the cooler,
Yet it still had no foam.
'Till the circle,
When the hasher met the nectar.
And he knewwww it just couldn't stick around.
That's when his shorts went down around his ankles
And the beer became a down down down!
A down down down!
A down down down!
That's the waaaaayyyyyyy it became a down down down!
Semi-Often Newsletter
If you missed the Hash last week, here is a recap of the day's event's.
Written by Butt Darts.
Well we arrived at the Amigo Air Blo, and low and behold, we saw the Thunder Turds flying in the air doing those amazing acrobatic maneuvers they do so well. Though no one was looking at them because we were all too busy looking for trail. Works the meat laid one of her trademark trails. If you have ever hashed with her, you know what I mean. But anyway, the trail was short and sweet, and the down-down took a while to get started because we were waiting for RUN Now to finish whatever she thought was more important than hashing with the BJ hash. While waiting for her, something very strange started happening. Several hashers needed to empty their bladders. Morehead and Everlasting were having a pissing contest to see who could piss higher on the wall. More head won though I don’t want to know how. We had a visiting hasher attend the circle this day all the way from Japan. That’s right, LIITA!! Actually, it just seemed that way because all the harriets were talking to him for so long, that it felt like he was there in spirit. We drank for hours and hours, while Morehead and Boobalicious were more interested with the turd on the floor than the one’s in the air. Go figure! The Price is Right appeared to be having fun, but I guess that is what happens when you drink Boone’s Farm straight form the bottle. Also, you have heard of traveling hashes, well we had a traveling circle. The circle started near the warehouse and ended up somewhere on George Dieter. Man were we tired! All that traveling to get the beer would exhaust even the most conditioned hashers, but somehow the lure of the beer was too great and we traveled endlessly back and forth from the truck to our circle. Down-downs were handed out by our Hash Whip (Saltee) for various violations on trail and in the circle. The most notorious comment of the day was made by Boobalicious. She told a specific hasher “don’t worry honey, aren’t you glad I can find small things?” The on-after was held at Butt Darts Apartment where we were attacked by a robot that was very touchy feely. This led to the Harriets locking themselves in the bedroom doing several unspeakable things. Form that point on I have sworn to secrecy and cannot tell you anything else. So remember, if you like to have fun, some join us for some weekly debauchery. ON!ON!
Any likeness or representation to any actual hasher living or dead is purely coincidental.
FRB - Front Running Bastard / Bitch: Boobalicious
DFL - Dead Fuckin' Last: Butt Darts (does anyone else get this award?)
Hashit Recipient: RUN Now
The Fuckin' Kit Recipient: Boobalcicous
Virgins In Attendance (Sponsors): None
Cumming Problem: None
Weekly Song:
NO BLOW SONG (No whistle)
Melody - Looney Tunes Theme
You seem somewhat forgetful,
Remind you? Maybe this will,
Next time you come, don't be so dumb,
Just bring your fucking whistle!
Hash Thrash #28 – Mardi Gras Hash – Sugar Daddy’s
BJ Hash Semi-Often Newsletter
Laissez le Bon Temp Roulet!
Let the Good Times Roll!
If you missed this hash, here is a recap of the night's event's.
Written by Butt Darts.
Any likeness or representation to any actual hasher living or dead is purely
coincidental.
Nipples - Melody – Itself
Nipples, Nipples, N I P P L E S
Lick’em, Flick’em, N I P P L E S
Nipples, Nipples Covered in Goo.
That’s Where Baby’s go to get food.
Nipples, Nipples,
They’re what make the titties fun.
Hash Thrash #40 - St Paddy's Day Hash
Semi-Often Newsletter
If you missed the Hash last week, here is a recap of the night's event's.
Written by Butt Darts.
Everyone wore green, except 69
Virgins and Sick On My Dick who looked like the local pimps. At point A
Boobalicious gave out Shamrock Headpieces and the pack received the limited St.
Patrick's Day Bandana's. The trail was very short due to some half-minds
volunteering to do the Bataan Death March this weekend and needed to conserve
energy. However, they did not refuse to drink the hash beer. That said and
done, the ENTIRE pack WALKED. We were too drunk to run and needed to make sure
we finished cause if we didn't, no one would be able to get back to "A".
Anyway, the trail was good, the beer cold, and the on-after blurry! All I
remember is convincing some girls at a table that the tradition for St. Paddy's
is to expose their breasts long enough to let a hasher finish their beer. Thank
Gispert that we were in the VIP Room. For first timer's, this is a usual event
for the BJ HASH whenever at the bar!!! ON!ON! to more trails.
Any likeness or representation to any actual hasher living or dead is purely coincidental.
Jesus Saves - Melody "The Battle Hymn of the
Republic"
Jesus can't go hashing 'cuz his feet are tied together
Jesus can't go hashing 'cuz his feet are tied together
Jesus can't go hashing 'cuz his feet are tied together
Jesus saves, Jesus saves, Jesus saves
Chorus
FREE BEER FOR ALL THE HASHERS....
FREE BEER FOR ALL THE HASHERS....
FREE BEER FOR ALL THE HASHERS....
Jesus saves, Jesus saves, Jesus saves....
Jesus can't go hashing 'cause He's nailed to the boards,
Jesus can't go hashing 'cause He's nailed to the boards,
Jesus can't go hashing 'cause He's nailed to the boards,
Jesus Saves, Jesus saves, Jesus saves....
The pack can't catch Jesus 'cuz he runs across the lake (skips across the pond)
The pack can't catch Jesus 'cuz he runs across the lake (skips across the pond)
The pack can't catch Jesus 'cuz he runs across the lake (skips across the pond)
Jesus saves, Jesus saves, Jesus saves
Jesus can't go hashing 'cause he's stuck behind a rock, (there's a rock in front
of his cave)
Jesus can't go hashing 'cause he's stuck behind a rock, (there's a rock in front
of his cave)
Jesus can't go hashing 'cause he's stuck behind a rock, (there's a rock in front
of his cave)
Jesus saves, Jesus saves, Jesus saves....
(spread arms)
The Harriett's love Jesus 'cuz he's hung like this
The Harriett's love Jesus 'cuz he's hung like this
The Harriett's love Jesus 'cuz he's hung like this
Jesus saves, Jesus saves, Jesus saves
Jesus can't hash 'cause his dad'll fix the trail,
Jesus can't hash 'cause his dad'll fix the trail,
Jesus can't hash 'cause his dad'll fix the trail,
Jesus Saves, Jesus Saves, Jesus Saves...
Jesus can't hash 'cause he changed the beer to wine,
Jesus can't hash 'cause he changed the beer to wine,
Jesus can't hash 'cause he changed the beer to wine,
Jesus Saves, Jesus Saves, Jesus Saves...
Jesus can't lay trail 'cause the flour falls through his hands,
Jesus can't lay trail 'cause the flour falls through his hands,
Jesus can't lay trail 'cause the flour falls through his hands,
Jesus saves, Jesus saves, Jesus saves...
Jesus can't go hashing 'cause he's only got 12 friends,
Jesus can't go hashing 'cause he's only got 12 friends,
Jesus can't go hashing 'cause he's only got 12 friends,
Jesus saves, Jesus saves, Jesus saves....
Jesus can't go hashing 'cause he's dead,
Jesus can't go hashing 'cause he's dead,
Jesus can't go hashing 'cause he's dead,
Jesus saves, Jesus saves, Jesus saves....
(on your knees)
Jesus, we're only kidding
Jesus, we're only kidding
Jesus, we're only kidding
Jesus saves, Jesus saves, Jesus saves
Hash Thrash #49 and #50 – Lazy Ass Weekend
Semi-Often Newsletter
If you missed the Hash last week, here is a recap of the night's event's.
Written by Butt Darts and 69 Virgins.
We combined this Hash Thrash for many reasons, but mostly because so much
happened this weekend. For Friday night, we hashed through central El Paso,
with a tour of a local cemetery. That is how Just Brian became “ Night of the
Living Wimp”. As we crossed some graves, Klingon was asked to give Just Brian a
hug and to hold his hand because he refused to walk in there alone. Just Brian
(Wimp) was so scared that we had to make a pit stop on trail for him to wash his
pants in the Rio Grande. The trail started late to pose for some pictures with a
Fire Hydrant that decided to join us that night. The circle went smoothly and
then we moved over to Taco Cabana for the on-After where we met some hotties
that were so drunk that even Shortdick was happy to meat them (He Really Is Not
Gay <some times>). Then we met for Saturday’s hash… at least that what we
thought. Most of us were too drunk by the end of the night to even remember
getting together to hash that day. Fuck her!!! I did and 69 Virgins Returned
home after a brief stint in a Nevada Brothel. Where even there they did not get
lucky, but still lost several hundred dollars!!! Fuck her complained that the
ladies played “Keep Away” the entire time. The wind was howling so much that it
blew our whistles for us. During the trail, we were distracted by several
different events. The wind was so terrible, most of us walked behind
Boobalicious to keep her from getting lost as she had to walk backwards to avoid
her breasts giving her black eyes. Another distraction was the Ice Cream Truck
that Klingon had to chase to buy everyone an Ice Cream Sandwich. By the way,
that went great with all the beer and Jagermeister at the Beer Check at Our
Place that lasted a good 45 minutes. We then snuck onto Ft Bliss, where we
invaded Kelley Park. We ran everyone away as we exercised our First Amendment
Right to Free Speech. There the wind got so bad, we somehow landed in Butt
Darts Jacuzzi room where we sat in the hot tub massaging our aching feet.
Boobalicious provided massages for all the hasher’s muscles. 69 Virgins
reminded everyone we were still in the circle and awarded down-downs to
everyone. The Trip over was so exhausting, that we had to procure chairs to
rest in. 69 Virgins declared this the 1st Annual Lazy Ass Hash
Weekend as standing was not allowed in the circle, and the chairs had to be
scooted into the center for Down-Downs. It was decided that we would have a Lazy
Ass Hash the weekend before Tax Day every year. The crack Whore who lives in
the back Yard said she could not get into the hot tub due to the “RED TIDE!”
This encouraged the rest of the hashers to declare every 28th hash a
Wings and Strings hash where we will wear our “Red Rags”. We had the naming
ceremony for Just Brian and that took so long, that Boobalicous was able to
complete her 500 piece puzzle. The circle never ended and throughout the night,
random down-downs were called out for various infraction. The circle finally
ended in honor of Terry Shiavo and the Pope as their versions of swing low were
created. Food was eaten, the keg was tapped (as were some of the harriets), and
the last thing we remember is playing drinking games and a stripping fireman and
woman. The next morning, allthat I can say is 69 virgins and Strawberry were in
bed together and both had a condom in their respective asses and Works the Meat
was smiling!!!!
Any likeness or representation to any actual hasher living or dead is purely coincidental.
FRB - Front Running Bastard / Bitch: Just Brian /
Fuck her!!! I did
DFL - Dead Fuckin' Last: Strawberry Shortdick for Ever / Klingon Uranus
Hashit Recipient: Strawberry Shortdick for Ever / 69 Virgins
Virgins In Attendance (Sponsors): None
Cumming Problem: None
Weekly Song:
I wanna grab you ass – Melody Beatles I wanna hold your hand
Oh yeah, I'll tell you something
I think you'll find a blast
When I'll say that something
I wanna grab your ass
I wanna grab your ass
I wanna grab your ass
Oh please, come to me
show me you got no class
And please, say to me
You wanna grab my ass!
I'll let pinch your ass
I wanna grab your ass!
And when I touch you I feel hard
Inside
It's such a feeling that my pants
I can't hide
I can't hide
I can't hide
Yeah, you've got that something
a touch of class
When I'll say that something
I wanna grab your ass
I wanna grab your ass
I wanna grab your ass
d when I touch you I feel hard
Inside
It's such a feeling that my pants
I can't hide
I can't hide
I can't hide
Yeah, you've got that something
a touch of class
When I'll say that something
I wanna grab your ass
I wanna grab your ass
I wanna grab your ass
I wanna grab your ass
Semi-Often Newsletter
If you missed the Hash last week, here is a recap of the night's event's.
Written by everyone who was there....... typed by Butt Darts and its long, but
worth it.
If you missed it, too bad. The trail started off like any trail, late as usual. Butt, this time was for a different reason, everyone was tempted to attend the Weenie Roast that was going on in Anthony that afternoon. It was so big, you could see it from miles around. We would also like to point out that one of the hares (Butt or Finger) went to the wrong point A as she did not know the difference between east and west sides of El Paso. The only reason she found us was because she was looking for the weenie roast. Hell, it even brought Pinchi Gomez out from Las Cruces. Hell, Itty Bitty was even going to make it, but she decided to just meet us at Graham's in Las Cruces later. However, she did ask Sick on My Dick to bring her a weenie. The trail was short and sweet, and the down-down long as always. I would like to commend Works the Meat on her trails, they are becoming something to marvel at, as they are getting better all of the time. I personally won't forget this particular one for a long time. Speaking of long, our Hash Whip 69 Virgins: Virgins had something pink sticking out of his shorts that got all the dogs in the neighborhood excited. He was disappointed as he had to stay to run the circle, and he pouted the rest of the day. Even a package check form Boobalicious couldn't cheer him up. The circle started to get interesting when Butt Darts mentioned that screwing an armpit was a wonderful sensation and recommended everyone try it. Shortdick volunteered his armpit, but was told that a condom was needed to avoid making a mess. Works the Meat was awarded the hashit so she could demonstrate her ability to swallow. Everyone became aroused and decided that the circle needed to get over soon so we could all go get some action respectively. 69 Virgins: Virgins wanted to walk home on his own to spend some time with the stray dogs in the neighborhood, and Night of the Living Wimp asked to be dropped off in the closest cemetery. He said he needed some time alone. We ate dinner at Taco Cabana where we were eventually asked to leave because we were being rude to the clients. Wimp said, it's the parents F***ing fault for bringing their children around hashers. We tried several times to make plans for next week, but Works the Meat said "we'll worry about that later!" After dinner we all met at Shortdick's apartment as we carpooled there to save gas. Although no one was allowed to ride with Butt or Finger. I don't know why, just ask the bitch! Anyway, we all went to Graham's and closed the place down. Some left earlier than others. Things learned at Graham's that night:
1. Lickalotofpuss is more than a lesbian dinosaur.
2. 69 Virgins can't sing for shit (there goes your rap career buddy).
3. Stacie's Boobs are real.
4. Don't bring a friend to a Cat Fight.
5. Certain hashers should refrain form dancing country.
6. Butt Darts will always ask "What do I get out of it?"
7. There is an epidemic of guys from Las Cruces saying "I'm not GAY!"
More follows……
Anyway, we were all tired that night and some decided to come back early form Las Cruces. We were even so tired that we could not get passed the opening credits on a porno movie. For those of you who were not there, I'd like to recap the nights events for you:
After getting stuck on the highway for 45 minutes while the Police Medevac'd a body out from a serious car accident, we got out on Interstate-10 and sang all the versus to Chicago. After we passed all 10 Cops on duty in that corridor, 69 Virgins said "Step on it, there is not a cop in sight" and here is what happened:
Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over
Night of the Living Wimp: Yup.... because I cut your ass off?
Cop: Yup!
69 Virgins and Sick On My Dick: Want to see our ID's?
Cop: Where are you coming from?
Sick On My Dick: Fort Bliss
Cop: Where are you going?
Night of the Living Wimp and 69 Virgins: Fort Bliss
Sick On My Dick (in a retarded voice): Do you want to see my penis?
Cop: Yup! Have you been drinking sir?
Night of the Living Wimp: Yup!
Cop: Thank you for your honesty sir, I could smell it. Well have a nice night gentleman.
Meanwhile in the other vehicle.....
Boobalicious: Do you think we should stop?
Butt Darts: Fuck No!
10 minutes later......
Butt Darts: We're being pulled over.
Boobalicious: Oh shit!!
Butt Darts: Don't worry
Cop: Are you waiting for your friends?
Butt Darts: Yup! Would you like some free beer (handing him a BJ Hash Card)
Boobalicious (In a retarded voice): Do you want to see my titties?
Cop: Yup!
Cop To Butt Darts: Are you in any condition to drive?
Butt Darts: Yup!
Cop (to Boobalicious): Are you here of your own free will?
Boobalicious: Yup!
Cop (Looking at ID's): What is this gentleman's name?
Boobalicious: Butt Darts!
Cop: Thank you Mam!
Boobalicious: Would you like a package check?
Cop: Yup! Have a nice night. ON!ON!
Who would have thought that the shot of tequila was needed at the end of the night, as opposed to the beginning of the trail?
Weekly Song:
The Horny Hasher - Melody Brady Bunch Theme
Here's a story, of a horny hasher,
Who was fucking everything that he saw.
Every bad tail there was, well he tapped it,
By then his dick was raw.
Here's a story, of a horny chick,
who had her legs open all of the time.
Every cock she saw, well she sucked it,
She di'nt even charge a dime.
Till the hot tub when this hasher met this chick,
and they started fucking around.
That's when her pants went down around her ankles,
and his dick became brown, brown, brown.
Down Down Down!!!!
Semi-Often Newsletter
If you missed the Hash last week, here is a recap of the night's event's.
Written by Mike Hunt
So there we were on the campus of the University of Texas – El Paso. We had already been kicked out of two different locations throughout the campus for tailgating in unauthorized areas. It was Homecoming and UTEP has been doing real well, which usually is unheard of, and the place was packed tighter than a gay man’s shit. Anyway, we were lucky to find a spot near Point A and set up camp to party hard until we left to the game. Klingon Uranus Arrived a little late. By late we mean on time for the hash, but too late for a close parking space. Fortunately, He was able to find a local Star Trek group Tailgating and he parked near them. HE invited them to the hash, but they said their teleportor was down for the moment. Once Scotty got more power, they beam over to the trail. While Butt Darts was pre-laying the trail, several Police Officers and Sheriff’s Deputies stopped him and questioned him about what exactly he was doing. He explained that he was marking a trail for the drunken hashers to follow on the way to the game. They were also told if they followed it, it would lead them straight to the “FREE BEER!” They all kept the BJ Hash Recruitment Cards and promised to look us up (we’ve all heard that before). Also while the trail was being laid, people kept offering beers and Tequila to Butt Darts, so that explains why the trail was so shitty near the end. After some more beers the pack was ready to do the trail. We found some very generous fans that graciously departed with their beverages of choice. Butt Plug kept asking for Breast Milk, though none was found. Although, he was referred to a breast milk factory on Cliff and Stanton! Further along the trail, we found some future hashers who said “Screw the food, all anyone needs is beer”. They just set up a keg and drank. While the entire pack stopped to have a few beers with them, we found out that 69 virgins is in fact a distant relative of Jack Off All Trades as he flew by a keg and kept going on trail. He said something about “Checking”, but no one cared because we were all stopping to drink beer. Besides, beer always tastes better when someone else is paying for it. While Klingon and Boobs were looking for trail, Butt Darts was trying to ask coeds for a pair of panties to commemorate the event. They offered beer instead. He took the beer. After several stops at local tailgates, the pack found “b” and started up the grills. The beer was cold, the food was hot and the women, hotter. The circle was conducted in usual lazy ass hash tradition that has become so common for our special events. When it came time to go to the game, we loaded up the trucks and headed for the Sun Bowl. At the game, we got into the locker room and wished the Miners well. We even got a picture of Coach Price as they were coming out. Boobalicious really made the Miners day when she offered them Boob Checks as the were going out the tunnel. Later on the sidelines, we heard some miners saying it’s hard to wear a “cup” with a hard-on. Nonetheless, we got there late so our general admission tickets got us a seat in the nosebleed section. 69 said screw that, there are 3 seats here. Unbeknownst to us, those were season ticket holders. We sat on the 50 yard line, 20 rows up. Best seats ever, for the greatest game we had seen all year. During the game, beer was not sold, so we would occasionally head out of the stadium and drink beer at our designated “Beer Check” just outside the stadium. Even the girls behind us joined us for a drink. After the game, we went back to our vehicles to leave. Most people worry about the traffic after a game like that, but since 69’s car would not start, that wasn’t a problem. We stayed in the parking lot an hour later then decided to call it a night and drove home. Everyone has a good time and we look forward to being there next year. Come join us for some fun and debauchery. ON!ON!
Weekly Song
Bagpipe Song - Melody--Scotland the Brave
Here's to the lassie with the black hair on her assie,
Who was liftin' up her kiltie at the BJ Hash.
Chorus (hold chair upside down to simulate bagpipes; make droning sound and tap throat to form notes):
Na na na na na na na,
Na na na na na na na,
Na na na na na na na,
Na na na na . . .
Here’s to the jockey with his upstandin' cocky,
Who was ridin' on the lassie with the black hairy assie,
Who was liftin' up her kiltie at the Border Jumper Hash.
Here’s to the cranky who was wankin' in his hankie,
At the thought o' the jockey with the upstandin' cocky,
Who was ridin' on the lassie with the black hairy assie,
Who was liftin' up her kiltie at the Border Jumper Hash.
Here’s to the queerie who was leerin' through his beerie,
At the sight o' the cranky who was wankin' in his hankie,
At the thought o' the jockey with the upstandin' cocky,
Who was ridin' on the lassie with the black hairy assie,
Who was liftin' up her kiltie at the Border Jumper Hash.
Here’s to the harlot makin' money in the car lot,
To support the a' queerie who was leerin' through his beerie,
At the sight o' the cranky who was wankin' in his hankie,
At the thought o' the jockey with the upstandin' cocky,
Who was ridin' on the lassie with the black hairy assie,
Who was liftin' up her kiltie at the Border Jumper Hash.
Here’s to the hasher who was posin' as a flasher,
Hustlin' johnnies from the harlot makin' money in the car lot,
To support the a' queerie who was leerin' through his beerie,
At the sight o' the cranky who was wankin' in his hankie,
At the thought o' the jockey with the upstandin' cocky,
Who was ridin' on the lassie with the black hairy assie,
Who was liftin' up her kiltie at the Border Jumper Hash.
Here’s to the wenchy doin' down-down on a benchie,
For the pleasure o' the hasher who was posin' as a flasher,
Hustlin' johnnies from the harlot makin' money in the car lot,
To support the a'queerie who was leerin' through his beerie,
At the sight o' the cranky who was wankin' in his hankie,
At the thought o' the jockey with the upstandin' cocky,
Who was ridin' on the lassie with the black hairy assie,
Who was liftin' up her kiltie at the Border Jumper Hash.
Now the moral o' this ditty is when in el paso city,
And you're with your favorite girlie chasin' hairs all short and curly,
Just remember to take her hashin' and to give her a good bashin',
And keep her away from the wenchy doing down-down on the benchie,
For the pleasure o' the hasher who was posin' as a flasher,
Hustlin' johnnies from the harlot makin' money in the car lot,
To support the a' queerie who was leerin' through his beerie,
At the sight o' the cranky who was wankin' in his hankie,
At the thought o' the jockey with the upstandin' cocky,
Who was ridin' on the lassie with the black hairy assie,
Who was liftin' up her kiltie at the Border Jumper Hash.
Hash Thrash for Hashes #118 - #120
Semi-Often Newsletter
If you missed Hashing last week, here is a recap of the event's.
Written by Amanda Hugandkiss
It was a very interesting week in hashing. We started off the week by hashing with the El Paso Hash. It was a lot of fun, if you like 4 mile trails without any beer checks. Jiffy Pop and Butt Darts stopped for drinks as anything more than a mile requires beverages of some kind, and 69 Virgins stopped for What-a-burger and caused us all to be late. Though most of us thought he was waiting for the virgins to catch up so he could hit on them. We all know he is a horn-dog. Klingon decided to go ahead and drink beer. Very noble of him. There must be some kind of brainwashing going on as our hares on Wednesday night began marking trail using El Paso hash marks (fucked up, huh?). More on that later. Wednesday’s hash began the with a new tradition, mixing of the hash. The hash used for Wednesday’s trail was mixed with hash used at other hashes throughout the world. I wonder if there was any hash from Sunday…….. Maybe this had some effect on the hares? I don’t know. It also included Trix to be able to identify the hash on a weekly basis. Butt Darts recommended tasting the Trix on trail to ensure it was fresh. Everyone assured him they would. On trail, the scb’s were paralleling the pack and tried “boxing” the trail. Boobs and Price is right knew better than to follow Butt Darts, so they stayed with the pack. The hares outsmarted themselves by laying trail into a biker bar. The entire pack did not have their id’s. Except for Butt Darts who never found the on-in. The reason was while he was shortcutting, he was surrounded by a pack of wild Poodles and Chihuahuas and had to haul ass to avoid getting attacked. He called 911 (yes, he drank for technology). The 911 operator asked him if he’d be willing to wait for the police. He said hell no, i got a pack of wild poodles and Chihuahuas chasing me, I’m gone. He eventually found the way back to trail after calling Boobs for directions to “b”. Yes, she also drank for technology. The pack however had no trouble finding trail, though they were confused by the El Paso markings. Just Chappy and Jack Off helped find trail and walked behind Price is right and Boobs. Hell, so would you if you saw their asses. Anyway, they were able to overcome the obstacles of the markings and found “b”. They inquired about the markings. The hares said, “why not, works the meat used BJ marking on her trail for El Paso!”. Finally Butt Darts arrived and the circle started. Everyone had a good time, especially when the lessons on how to swallow were demonstrated by Boobs and Price is right. For an on-after, we went to the Ironhorse and drank beer, and sang karaoke all night. The bikers especially loved 69’s and Jack Off’s rendition of “raindrops keep falling on my head”. Especially because they sang and danced like little girls. At least that is what I was told by Russell who called the hash line later that night and told us to come pick up this fag we left behind. He keeps yelling “more BJ’s!”. On to Veteran’s Day hash. We started our hash late waiting for Price is Right. Butt Darts gave her wrong directions. The trail led the pack past the new Veteran’s Memorial, that was not lit up, nor had any flags waving. We found this to be a heinous crime so we left quickly. After that, the trail was led around the neighborhood. Just Ryan and 69 led the pack though heavily wooded areas, though packs of wild dogs, and negotiated obstacles on trail to lead the pack to “b”. Klingon again went out on his own as he was too lazy to walk an extra block. At B, Jiffy Pop introduced his girlfriend Just Sarah. She was very quiet and apparently cold. At lease that is what her nipples told us. Jiffy Pop shared stories of his Stetson and how he liked to ride “Little Doggies”. Poor Dogs. Remind me to call the humane society for cruelty to animals. When 69 tried starting the circle, the pack just ignored him and he appeared hurt. Don’t worry, we made sure the Wambulance came and got him. He was better after an attitude adjustment. During this delay, Boobalicious was trying to figure out who had the biggest penis. I guess she found it on her first try as she did not check anyone else. Price is right was also trying to find the big penis, so she kept bending over and mooning everyone. Very nice panties Price!!!!! Try as we might, it was too cold to expose any body parts, so we quickly ended the circle while Butt Darts showed just Sarah how to “come” using two fingers. Somewhere during this time, Just Ryan gave himself a black eye. We are still trying to figure that one out. The on-after was at Charms with great fish and wings. By the way, just because they have Philly Cheese Steak and Hamburgers on the menu, it does not mean that they serve it. We all had a good time and it continued on Saturday for the 120th hash at Bowie High School. Apparently the entire pack did not know that the Chamizal was home to a fantastic Orgy in 2003. Unfortunately, nobody wanted to help recreate it. The trail started off with several on-backs, bad trails, and check backs. Of course, we knew most of the pack would follow 69 Virgins, being that he is like a mother duck to the pack. The duckling eventually set out looking for trail on their own. The group eventually found trail and came across a C#5. They did not know what that was. Butt Darts explained to the pack that it was a check back. They asked where was the “b”. They were informed that the “b” at the end of the trail has to come from somewhere! Satisfied with that answer, the pack moved on to the end which was in the Chamizal National Park. Once the Park Rangers knew who we were, we were asked to leave. The circle then moved across town to Butt Darts Home where a cold keg and popcorn awaited. The virgins Just Kevin and Just Jeff were introduced by their sponsor, Just Ryan who it turns out was getting named today. Kilngon and Jack Off Were fairly quiet throughout the night, though when it came time to get their awarded Habberdashery, they couldn’t stop talking about all the neat things they got. Actually everyone except the first time virgin got something. Actually that is not true, Boobalicous felt sorry for Just Jeff and gave him a package check. The circle once again was moved due to some Biological Hazard that had descended on the circle coming from somewhere near 69’s butt. The circle moved closer to the keg and we proceeded to get intel on Just Ryan. Stories were told and Just Ryan came to be known as Sticky Pinky!!! Ask him why, he’s not shy to tell his story. After the circle, we all went to hang around teenage girls and got drunk while we watched them dance. After the party, the group went over to Sticky’s house and partied till 4am. It was a fun night and we all had a good time. We even picked up some new virgins at the party. So we invite everyone to come out and hash with us. ON!ON!
Weekly Song
Girl From Singapore – Melody - Itself
Chorus: She's a dirty mother fucker, she's a rotten whore,
She's a girl from Singapore
What did the drunk say?
Bum titty bum titty, bum titty bum titty bum titty bum titty, bum titty bum.
She's a dirty mother fucker, she's a rotten whore,
She's a girl from Singapore.
Oh she went to the church just to pray for the people,
But the skunk from her cunt knocked the cross off the steeple.
Oh she went to the well, just to make a wish,
But the skunk from her cunt killed off all the fish.
Oh she went to the seashore just to lie on the beach,
But the skunk from her cunt made the locals all reach.
Oh, she went to the alley just to try and shag,
But the skunk from her cunt made the maggots all gag.
Oh she went to the dance just to shake her hips,
But the skunk from her cunt made the records all skip.
Oh she went to the yard to play some fetch,
But the skunk from her cunt made the dog retch.
Oh she went for a ride on her
motorcycle,
But the skunk from her cunt knocked the chain off the cycle.
She visited Juarez on a medical trip,
But the skunk from her cunt just continued to drip.
She laid a Wednesday run just for a caper,
But the skunk from her cunt instead of using paper.
She took a short cut just to get back quicker,
But the skunk from her cunt made the shiggy thicker.
She led them down a cliff just
to test their reaction,
But the skunk from her cunt made them lose all their traction.
They made her sing a song at
the end of the day,
But the skunk from her cunt made the circle go away.
At last she was a leaver and
we gave her a mug,
But the skunk from her cunt was enough to fill her jug.
and so on...
BJ Hash Thrash update through 155
Very Semi-Often Newsletter
If you haven't been to a hash lately, you have missed a lot. So we have decided
to write a hash thrash to update you on the latest changes and occurrences at the BJ Hash.
As with any hash, there are often changes to the group. Most better than others. Lately, the group has noticed an increase of virgins at our hashes. We have discussed this issue at great lengths and have come to the understanding that increased abstinence awareness is finally catching on. Thank God most of our virgins still think that Blowjobs and Anal Sex are not considered sexual acts (thanks Mr. Clinton!). We also have found that many of the new Harriet's have been very impressed with the 3 lb cock. This is definitely the eighth wonder of the world, you must pay us a visit to see it. In the coming month, we will be naming approximately 5, if not more, virgins. All are definitely providing us with a ton of intel and we know their namings are going to be a lot of fun. We have discussed how the hash needs to continue its growth and we have elected new disorganization. Mainly because we need someone to keep making beer runs during the circle se we elected a Beer Bitch. We think that the hash will start having to carry a keg from now on. Do they make Lone Star in a keg??? Hung like this still has yet to prove why he got that name. Though we seem to think that it has something to do how he hangs his shirts in the closet. Our Wednesday runs are going great. We do a short trail, shorter down-down and we are usually done by 9pm. That's only because we have to leave the park by 10pm or they will give our vehicles a ticket. So the next time you and your hunny are in the park and someone knocks on your window, it may just be hashers and it's okay to ignore them. Spring is in the air and we will be doing Lots of Stuff after the hashes. So come and meat her! The BJ hash is something that has taken time to get to where we are at and those who try and knock us down know they will not succeed. But like I told Open Wide Bitch, if we want to keep the POPO out of our hair, we need to stop having bonfires during our down-down ceremony. One word of caution, we do not allow drugs at our hash, but I still can't figure out why there is so much CRACK!!! I have assigned Whore Gay to look out for crack and fill it with his caulk. But he never pays attention anyway because he tried sticking his cock in 69's crack during a rebuttal. Klingon Uranus is now our new Hash Whip and he is on a mission to find women who taste like chicken. Still no luck Klingon, but keep up that hard work and you will someday find her. As for the Harriets, we have noticed an increase in tattoos and body piercings. Pick a hole has 10, and we could only find 7 the last time we looked. We'll try harder next time and check any nook and cranny. We love to get Stormpooper in the circle, but it's hard to do a sandwich when she wants all harriers to get behind her. We are working on mastering that. Boobalicous is still the ever quiet one, saying nothing, seeing all. She continues to make our Harriets very happy anytime a package check is requested. All the guys love it when she grabs their package because being that her hands are so small, it makes everyone's package look bigger. The no named virgins are still trying to get the feel of what hashing is about and can always be recognized by their bleeding bandanas, or by the fact they are all huddled in a mass hiding from the Hash Whip for fear of being called in. What I am trying to say is the hash is always a lot of fun, but with the mix of perverts we have right now, we are definitely having a good time. So come join us, or join us and come, it's all up to you. See ya at the next hash!
BJ Hash Thrash update through 156
Border Jumper Hash Thrash: Hash 156
Semi-Often Newsletter
Hash # 156 started off much like any other trail, late as hell. The hares took off to B and by the time they returned, most of us were already dehydrated from being out in the sun so long. They said they planned it that way because it was going to be a long trail. Remember I said was, more on that later. As the hares were away, the pack got to know our newest hasher, Squirt! We all tried to get her to demonstrate how she got her name, but the best we could get all day is her mooning us and showing us her pastel yellow G-String. It was all good and we all got wood. As the pack chased after the hares, the walkers needed to do some paralleling, to not have to walk as far. You see, the courteous hares neglected to do a walker trail. None is truly ever needed as we usually do short trails. These God damn Wankers laid a 3 mile long trail. The FRB’s at least laid marks on trail, though no one put their initials so we didn’t know if it was marked by a hare or a hound. GOSH!! So while the pack was running, Butt Darts and Price is Right walked and shortcut the hell out of the trail. Here is what the walkers missed: a jaunt through an abandoned house, an ice cream check, and a nice stroll through a cemetery. So did everyone else because there freakin’ lemmings and followed the walkers. The pack eventually rejoined for a brain storming session. With some simple inferences, the pack decided to box around and eventually almost caught the hares. Too bad, Open Wide Bitch was hoping to depant 69 Virgins and get a peak at his tight little butt. Meatgazing is big this time of year as most of the pack continues to fall for the “hey look at this” routine. Just Jorge has developed a complex because every time someone calls his name, he looks up to the sky. Price is right and Boobalicious were their usual selves and just stayed quiet and observed the pack. Of course this was until the hounds started mooning each other hoping to entice Squirt to show off that sexy thong again. It worked and if you go to the photo page of bjhash.com, you will see boobs grabbing big chunks of ass. She really dug her nails into those poor saps. Just Sol said screw the trail, I’ll drive to “b”. Lazy Bitch! Anyway, Hung like this started getting turned on by all the mooning and he decided to lick 69 Virgins. It was then decided that 69 Virgins was going to be our new Hash Bitch. The harriet’s loved that idea. Thank God Little Red Riding Ho wasn’t there. Anyway, the circle was lead by none other that Klingon Uranus who needed a cheat sheet to get through the Circle. For Shame! As the circle ended, we all got in the vehicles and made a buddy happy! After the hash., Just Sol drove some hashers back from “B”. On the way, she showed us how to check your brakes whiled driving. We called them brake checks, but she did them every 3-5 seconds. Made so many of us nauseas that we vowed to never get in a vehicle with her again unless she was drunk. That way, she’d forget to hit her brakes and run a stop sign. The on-after was held in various locations around town as no one could make up their mind as to where they wanted to go. Just George (Kraut) kept getting kicked out of bars for ordering in German. However, he did meet a fraulein who later told him she does not sleep with anyone who wears sneakers. After this, no bar let him in because of those shoes. After the bars closed down, they all ended up at some hashers’ house and killed off the keg. While at the party, 69 virgins tried telling the girls the hot tub wasn’t warm yet and there was shrinkage. The harriet’s had to be reminded that he used to be called Pre-Shrunk. The next-day, everyone went home and nursed a hangover. And they all lived happily ever after. The end!
FRB – Open Wide Bitch
DFL – Just Sol
Auto Wanker – Just Sol
Hashit – Open Wide Bitch
Birthday – Just George
Border Jumper H3 Semi-Often Newsletter
Written by Butt Darts
Today’s hash was a virgin lay for another unfortunate soul, I mean Sol. We also welcomed our new hashers Just Mark and Just Kessie. More on them later. We had some new things in store for the pack and we were looking forward to messing with them. It was a live lay, though half-way through, Butt Darts and Just Sol were dying. This is what happens when two walkers lay live. So there we were, laying a trail while the pack was breathing down our necks. However, since we did not run with the pack, the following is a dramatization based on a true story, though any resemblance to any person, place or event is purely coincidental. While on trail, the pack participated in a water balloon fight. During the fight, Open Wide Bitch showed his dark side when he stole some balloons from the Harriet’s. Speaking of the Dark Side, Stormpooper quickly got bored with the water balloon fight and wanted to play Loteria. She started calling off cards like El Boracho, El Nopal, and El Negrito. No one else wanted to play, so the pack moved on to the Beer Check. At the Beer Check, the pack did their best to finish the entire case of beer, but alas, they failed. Losers!!!!! The rest of the trail was fairly uneventful until Just Josh decided to break from the pack and look for trail in the nearest Howdy’s. Unfortunately he did not find any, but did find some nice tail. Too bad he never told the rest of the pack and for not sharing, he got the Hashit at Point B. There is no mercy for Virgins in the BJ hash. The pack eventually climbed the tall fence in order to get to the Beer Neer. 69 Virgins was the first to find “b” tied to the bottom of the pool. The pack quickly followed suit and jumped in to touch B. The Keg was tapped, and the beer flowed. Just Sol attended the circle occasionally because she was cooking enough Jumbalaya to feed a freaking Army. Good thing cause an army of drunks showed up later and without the Jumbalaya the puking later in the night would not have been as much fun. During the circle, Butt Darts and Open Wide Bitch almost got into a fight because he said Butt Darts had a “chip on his shoulder”. Turns out it was actually true, there was a potato chip on his shoulder. The Virgins were deflowered and indoctrinated into the hash in a manner fit for wankers. Just Jorge and Just Josh will be named on their next hash. They have asked that anyone that has carnal knowledge of events transpired at a BJ Hash please come forward and share with everyone. Later on, there was a naming for Just Sol whose name became Solar Etits. However, based on more information found out later in the night, she will be renamed. And this time, we will not have any mercy. Pick a Hole and Stormpooper were very distracted and had trouble focusing during the naming because someone had a hole in their shorts and their balls were hanging out. And apparently on an entirely separate note, Butt Darts was told he needed a tan. We had a good time showing the Virgins how to come and after we were all spent, we ended the circle. After the hash, we all got into the Pool and went swimming. While in the pool, Open Wide Bitch, 69 Virgins, Just Jorge, and Butt Darts started playing their games and it all ended once someone got teabagged. Just Mark and Just Kessie started having some fun with Jaggershots. Later in the night, they weren’t having as much fun. Never thought it possible to have so many people get sick in one room, amazing. Even more amazing was the fact that they were all getting sick into the same tub! Now that is really gross. Good thing Solar Etits had a steam cleaner. Also it turns out that Butt Darts is really Mexican because he was called to break into a bathroom. Just Jorge and 69 Virgins were doing keg stands with all the people that attended the keg party after the hash. Enough drunks attended that the keg finished by 3am and the jungle juice kept the party going all night. Somehow Butt Darts and Boobalicous did not have any explanation how they ended up at Stormpooper's place the next morning. We spent the next day looking into a new restaurant and brew house in El Paso. It’s called BJ’s and we are looking into making it our Official Hash Bar. We are looking forward to celebrating this momentous occasion and hope to find everyone there when it opens. Remember if you have half a mind, that is all it takes.
This weekends hash started at the Kmart on I-10 and McRae. Hare was the hare-raiser, Teacher. Not too big of a crowd as some people are Wednesday hashers, some had breast augmentations (i.e. NEW sore tig ol' bitties), and some were reminded by the powers that be why they are referred to as such. En route to the hash, Klingon gets thrown on barrel duty. NO, there was no beer in this one. If you don't know what it is, you're better off not knowing. I am thinking that this was just his fallback excuse to make off with our hash beer and drink it all himself. Anywho, FRB went to our abdominally sore GM, Butt Darts, for walking at a slightly faster pace then the two harriets he was getting lost. The Power of Cock was DFL/ beer wench and made a virgin come, Just Linda, for four hours! The other virgin she had planned to bring came/ was coming before arriving to the hash, and thus was not present. Cockeye(d) was the B driver and designated stand-in impromptu spur of the moment hash whip. After his first unimpressive minute of mishandling the circle, he was relieved of his duty, and I was thrown into the (burning ring of) fire. I then proceeded to give the hashit to The Power of Cock for numerous violations. She showed up to the hash in her hippy work clothes (which she SWORE were very expensive and not from kmart), use of technology on trail while saying "stick it in my ear!" and use of nerd names before, during and after the circle. We swang it and proceeded to break wind.
*Ash Wednesday Feb. 21, 2007 -
First and foremost, I would like to say a big "THANK YOU!" for all the support showed Wednesday to honor Slant Snatch. This Wednesdays hash started at the YWCA on brown and cliff roads. And in the spirit of religion, this *ash Wednesday, we were blessed by the Hash Whip/ RA Klingon Uranus before hares out. Flour was placed on all the hashers cranium and "Our Lager" was said. Teacher was haring another of his (in)famous trails. This short trail was zenned by two, followed by some, avoided by most, and despised by all. Numerous autohashers and visitors arrived for Klingon's sermon on the Mount. Which was more of a Cliff. Which was more of an Inn. This made for a great send off hash. We honored Slant Snatch who reluctantly relinquished her "manager's special" duties at the Cliff Inn. Sadly, the Cliff diner will now lose it's one and only patron, Sideways. The FRB for *ash Wednesday was Klingon. DFL went to Jack Off all Trades. We then proceeded to welcome the visiting hashers. Butt Darts made "Cuffy" (AKA: Foaming at the Crotch) cum from Boston. Which, I must say, is an amazing feat! NOTE TO HASHERS: The ride to point A is always free. Paying for your ride HOME is what you have to worry about. Needless to say "Cuffy" will not soon forget the Border Jumpers! Choo! Choo! There was also an El Paso harriet who was able to cum with Whatafukr's help. (Man, that must have been one desperate harriet!) Hashit went to Slant Snatch and The Power of Cock...AGAIN. This time for autohashing with the hare (who was picking up the B car). Many a song were rapidly sung, to "Cuffy's" surprise. He soon familiarized himself with the way of the Border Jumper. Shorter trail, longer circle, many songs. So here's to sister hasher, sister hasher, sister hasher...Here's to sister hasher...may she chug-a-lug! On-On Slant Snatch, you will be missed.
Feb. 24, 2007 -
This trail started off in true stereotypical hispanic fashion. The hare, Face Down and Spread 'Em, shows up late to his own funeral. We made the excuse for him that he just got back from scouting, which everyone knows is bullshit, as he never scouts. Making for a "short cut" that eventually leads to "where the fuck we at?" And such was the case again. Apparently we all missed the TPS report that said "A is for Asshole Trail." Point A was the Valentine's Bakery off south Yarbrough and the Border Freeway. Couple of Backsliders showed up. Boobalicious and Pick-a-Hole. Boobs proceeded to bundle up for the cold, long, dark, and at some points, jacked up trail. She looked like Kenny from South Park. All she needed was to be eaten alive by flesh eating rats and it would have been complete. Having informed her of her imminent demise, she reluctantly chooses to still attempt the trail. Good thing she's a runner. So after the third hour on trail and still no Point B, Teacher and Picka decide to hitch hike to the nearest watering hole, Butt Darts and Boobs are sighted exiting the Motel 6 and Cockeye(d) (we think) is still marking trail for all his fucking friends. There was a Klingon sighting as well. Once at A and then again at B. Sneaky, sneaky. FRB was Cockeye. DFL was boobs, who never touched B and took off with Butt Darts to go "pick up the baby." RIGHT. Hey man, you paid for the room, get your money's worth is what I say. So Teacher was then DFL by default. H2Ho was harassed once again for her "yes their mine, I paid for them" augmentation. To which she proudly voiced that they were also paid in full. The Sam Adams Cherry Wheat story was told, and consumed as well. And then we swang it. Being as it was getting colder by the second, no on after was held. I'm Teacher, and that's news to me.
March 3, 2007 -
Well this hash took some people back down memory lane. For me, it took me way back to Wednesday. February 28, 2007, to be exact. To be anal, it was 7pm when I got the call. It was Two Dogs, reminding me that we hash on Wednesdays. We still do that? Doh! It was pretty much deja vu for Saturday as well. Except everything was different. For Butt Darts, it took him back to when the idea of the Border Jumpers was merely a thought. Back when trail was laid for the other hasher. Literally. Butt Darts was the hare, and started trail at Radford school on the intersection of radford and hastings. You see, the reason for the trip down memory lane was the poor attendance. And by poor attendance, I mean miserable. Lucky for the hash, it was the two coolest guys I know. Teacher and Cockeye. So we proceeded to take on the trail and in doing so MARKED EVERY FUCKING CHECKING. This effort was in vain, for no one else showed up. Even after having a small pitcher of beer at B, no late cummers arrived. So the three amigos rode off on their women and decided to watch some UFC type fights back at Butt Darts house. After much persuasion by Teacher, Klingon arrived with his cherry wheat. Teacher's offer to drink Butt Darts' special reserve beer didn't hurt either. Could this be why people are starting to say "Don't listen to Teacher"? This guy's power of persuasion is growing. He is learning the way of the Border Jumper. Careful with this young hare, for the trail is strong in him. Don't believe me? Ask the bitches! (cough, bullshit, cough) Many down downs were performed acappella and no honors were bestowed. Just drinking and bullshitn'. So if you like that, you missed another good time. See you out at the hash....or not.
The last hasher arrived
ten minutes late, on time by border jumper standards. Nonetheless, as custom of
any respectable hash society, the more punctual hashers stared at the arrival in
a harassing fashion before initiating him back into the group. The black
muscle-man shirt, jeans, and steel-toe combat boots illuminated the late
arrival’s situation. Cockeye, a veteran hasher, ignored the late hasher all
together, claiming, “The bastard dresses funky and shows up late for attention.
I’m not going to feed the bastard’s ego, he can go to hell.” Tensions further
rose between the hashers and the church across the street, both organizations
locked in mortal combat to secure valuable parking spaces. Three cockAsian men
in their late 60s turned to stare at the border hashers as they entered their
sanctuary of worship. The steam-press suits and formal emotionless faces made a
contrast with the loose atmosphere of the hashers. The thug hasher who allegedly
wears none hash-gear as means for attention, stared down the three cockAsians.
What was going to happen, I wondered, a brawl in the park? Would briefcases and
old lady wigs fly in every direction? Would the pigs arrest the Tejano for
having the audacity of mad-doging older white men?
The mood of the hashers changed, the smiles and carefree ass grabbing slowed to
nipple twisting. The unpunctual one, noticed the disturbance of harmony, he made
a joke, “look at those old people going to church, trying to get to know god
early huh, cockeye.” Cockeye shook his head and put his head down, trying to
hide his association with the laud mouth from the other hashers. Before any
other disturbances, the hares, Cockeye and Teacher, began marking trail with
their fifteen-minute head start. Itchy-scratchy paced back and forth, Boobs
occupied her time by playing with her kid, and just-Carlos stared blankly into
space. The hasher who never wears hash gear wanted to park his car closer to the
church, the whole time parking he stared at the church, not the distance between
the curb and his tires. When he got out of the car, Darts asked him if he had
any tires left. The unpunctual replied his tires were around his wheels and he
had a spare in the trunk.
I am not sure if the unpunctual knew Darts was making a joke or if he understood
the joke and was pretending ignorance to accelerate the joke. However, I could
feel the ominous undertones. The hashers each had their unique way of dealing
with the tension before starting trail. Eventually the ebb broke and Darts
declared it was time to start trail. The hashers broke the start site in a
group, following green hash used to mark the trail. At the edge of the park,
close to the fourth mark of the trail, a man in ragged clothing slept under a
stop sign. A brown bag with the tip of a bottle protruded from under his
shoulder. Strangely, the man melted naturally into the environment, the people
playing Frisbee a few yards away, the hashers, even the bugs on the man’s face
regarded him as a natural inhabitant. No one made a comment, no one told him to
leave, and no one gave him an ice-cold forty-ounce bottle of malt liquor.
The desert air and the sunshine burned the concrete and asphalt broken-glass
habitat for 93 degrees. The natives could not ask Huitzilopochtli for a nicer
day. This particular trail offered a few ‘Beer Checks’ and a few wrong turns. In
measurement of time, the trail lasted 2 hours. The trail ended in the backyard
of a big red house near the five point’s area. The hashers, Darts in particular,
welcomed me to join circle and even gave me a whistle. Unaware of the rituals
and customs of the circle, I drank more than the average hasher did. The whistle
made me feel connected to the community. I become part of the Hash,
nipple-twisting, butt grabbing the whole works. Even the thug lightened up
towards the end, giving his version and rendition of tales from the trail, even
though his rendition replaces and the tales part with the word “tails,” and had
the only purples of making boorish comments about the “broads” he saw on trail.
After circle, I lost recollection of what transpired. I know the hashers and
myself ended up at a local sports bar. I also know I lost a boot and the next
Hash starts in a few days.
Hash Thrash #361 by Just Carlos
Stripes and Cockeye
ran the trail while just Carlos, the two visiting Hashers, Itchy&Scratchy, and
Teacher took the trail with a moderate pace. As protocol for the
weekday-Wednesday Hash, this Hash began at seven at night. The sun begins to dim
at seven in the spring dust of ChucoTown, by 8:30 the sun dims completely. The
sun began to dim as scheduled, the greasy Caldo from Kiki’s Dinner, beer, forty
ounces of tequila, and the dust dragged me towards the asphalt. I ignored the
boiled sewage in my insides and took mental notes. During pretrial hash talk,
just Carlos made everyone aware of his plastic-blue flashlight, reminding the
group that by Hash regulation, a flashlight and whistle must accompany each
Hasher. When asked if he brought a whistle, just Carlos did not reply in English
or any other language for that matter. A week in advance, the pre-Hash council
determined an empty Church parking lot just outside of Memorial park for the
starting location.
The arrows led around the park and away from the park. Darts pre-laid the trail,
in doing so; Darts had the double duty of providing vehicle support for stranded
Hashers as well. The first obstacle, a ditch with a sharp incline, gave the
moderate paced hashers little trouble and the runners, Cockeye and Stripes
virtually no trouble. I had great trouble; the colon cleanser did little to
relieve the beer and tequila from my small intestine. The previous night’s error
in judgment accumulated the toxins, placing them in the bowels of my bowels.
Kiki’s Caldo usually has enough grease to get the flood moving. Today, I could
not break open the gates. Seeing the rock coded ditch with the sharp decline
persuaded visions of stumbling on a rock and having the stoppage released travel
in my eyes. The seven-dollar investment of Depends eased the tension and I
continued following the Hashers.
The remaining trail gave little else in terms of pitfalls or fences. The
ChucoTown dust sun created orange and 80’s electric pink in the sky that
pulsated waves of energy into the concrete and broken glass alley grounds. The
tequila and Caldo stew bubbled in my stomach as the dust-sun became brighter as
the day dimed. At the last Hash-Check, each Hasher ran their own trail, their
own rout towards base. I ran into a Church overlooking the chaos. Teacher, being
a former pupil of Darts, looked beyond contradicting Hash arrows and arrived at
base first. The foreign Hashers, unaware of the rule of not following Teacher,
arrived second and third. Cockeye, Stripes, Itchy&Scratchy formed a herd and
their arms, legs and sweaty bodies entangled at the base of base. One-hundred
yards from base, just Carlos stared. He was not staring at Teacher’s experience
or the baby duck hasher’s curiosity or even the orgy of tangled bodies. On the
sidewalk, 2 feet away from the church overlooking base, just Carlos’ eyes
connected with the white spike that crowned the church.
Cockeye, Stripes, and Itchy&Scratchy untangle themselves; just Carlos stared at
the white spike that crowned the church. Darts organized a recognizance mission
to recover the cars left at the starting point; just Carlos stared at the white
spike that crowned the church. A quantity of trapped bubbled air escaped my
large intestine; just Carlos sneezed and began searching for the other Hashers.
At the entrance of Base, Teacher was on his way out and just Carlos, the last
Hasher to reach base, was on his was in. The Scorpions’ 1991 worldwide hit
single, “Wind of Change,” blasted in the background. Just Carlos said, “I love
this song.” Teacher’s eyes narrowed and his eyebrows pointed towards the ground
in a slashing double-u. “Isn’t it weird when you walk into a bar and this song’s
blasting in the background,” just Carlos further mentioned.
Teacher sauntered his stomach and chest away from his legs and shook his
double-u eyebrows, “The song is a species of a speech given by Macmillan in
regards to the British Commonwealth’s occupation of South Africa.” Just Carlos
did not reply to Teacher’s retort. After a few seconds of hearing each other’s
silence, Teacher continued, “In 1961, Macmillan said, ‘…the wind of change is
blowing through this continent. Whether we like it or not, this growth of
national consciousness is a political fact…’ Do you understand the political
parallels between 1961 South Africa, and 1991 Germany?” Just Carlos continued
his silent words, reacquiring the facial characteristics he had when he was
staring at the Church. Teacher finished his argument, “The vocalist of the
Scorpions, Klaus Meine, wrote the song as an expression for the political
changes happening in Eastern Europe during 1990-1991. Do you understand the 1991
celebration of political freedom from soviet rule, the unification of Eastern
and Western Germany?” Teacher became red and his oxygen intake became more rapid
as just Carlos stared without moving any muscle in his face. Teacher gave an
appending axiom for his argument, “Critics have never given the Scorpions the
respect they deserve. I love the Scorpions.”
Just Carlos snapped the silence with his only reply, “Ya man, the Scorpions rock
my socks off. Let’s go to circle.”
It was a dark and stormy night... well dark anyway. And both Gaydar and Pickahole had to take a shit. The McDonalds was working through their systems like freight trains. Picka was the first to blurt out "I gotta fart!" Gaydar quickly following up with, "Do it in Moose's car!" As she ran over to let one rip in the trunk of the car (so Moose could save it for late) she made a u-turn and came back to A. All of us were looking at her expectantly, wondering if she let it out too soon. She rolls her eyes and says, "What? It got shy!"
As the antics at A continued Picka tried to sneak off to the port-a-potty. After she had safely ensconced herself inside, Moose Knuckle and Itchy ‘N’ Scratchy plotted against her. Itchy with the Hash-Shit Bat and Rape Whistle, and Moose with his Compensator (gianormous flashlight) they literally beat the shit right out of Picka from outside the port-a-potty. With Picka screaming like only Picka (and sometimes Condoments) can, “You Motha Fuckas!!!”
Right on HST Condoments took off to lay trail. “Took off” being a figure of speech since she was slowly walking down the hill tossing flour every few steps. Condoments not being the runner some hashers are, decided to fuck with the hounds instead of running trail. With her backpack containing a 6-pack of tall-boys and an extra bag of flour she set off. With liberal use of the LMU and the BJ’s infamous Itchy-Check the hare held the pack off until she came to the perfect intersection. Setting her pack down she proceeded to lay, a before this night, an only dreamed about trail. Condoments marked a checking at the intersection and turned to the left. Marking trail very well, and easy to see… all the way up to the YBF. But she didn’t turn around and go back… she walked a lil bit further and started laying trail again. On the wrong side of the YBF. She only walked another few driveways in length when she layed down the next mark… GT GT YBF. Huh you say? WTF? Swiftly she sprinted (walked) back to her pack, put it back on, and continued with trail in the right direction. Cleverly putting the flour where it wasn’t easily seen for what seemed forever! (about 2 blocks) When she decided it was the right place. GT YBF. Again, quickly walking in the same direction, the hare went along hiding the flour in cunning places. Since it was a park the hare didn’t walk on the sidewalk… she walked approx 5 ft off into the grass and paralleled the sidewalk, throwing flour in the grass as she passed. Continuing straight down the same road she started trail on.
As Condoments accidentally crossed Teachers trail from nearly 2 months ago, she incorporated his left-over marks into her trail… And since she remembered that trail, it actually worked in her favor since if the hounds followed the old trail, it would take them in a big circle… adding about ¾ of a mile (hehe). Cumming to Teachers ON-A+ she added a package check and followed trail to the Senior Citizen Garden of Cacti. At the Main Cacti, Condoments hid the tall-boys for the beer check, marked it, and continued on with a significantly lighter pack. As she approached the Hondo Pass intersection she marked an early checking, crossed the street to the bank parking lot, and laid the next GT GTYBF… Cumming back to the intersection she skillfully hid the arrows pointing to the empty lot across the road. Teacher remembering this lot well, since he had ingeniously evaded the hounds on his last trail through there by hiding in the grass and calling them a “bunch of wankers.”
Condoments completed her devious false trail with the GT YBF and true trail continuing beyond it. Next was a Song Check and trail resurfaced on the city streets. Still heading in a straight line from A the hare came across a most crafty sidewalk… it had a built in Dance Break. Using her tiny nubbin of chalk, Condoments drew in the DB already engraved in the sidewalk and then traced the gouge in the cement to complete the hounds mini break.
Being that the bar was fast approaching, it was a bad neighborhood, and Buttdarts had already auto-zenned to B, Condoments picked up the pace a lil bit. Droppin flour like it’s hot. One itsy-bitsy false trail, a zigzag, and a quick left brought her to the bar; where she marked B right next to the door. 5 minutes later Buttdarts walks out into the bar patio like he was never there. 30 minutes later the pack arrives. None of them had seen B when they walked right past it as they were cumming thru the front door.
As Moose Knuckle commenced with circle he announced that since Cockeye wasn’t able to make it to trail Moose brought the song list. Condoments observed that the songs must have been printed by Cockeye, since they all started in the middle. Teacher (being the Hash-Shit recipient on last trail) opened up Tails from the Trail and Hash-shit nominations. Short list was Teacher; for almost crying like a bitch when offered the GM position. Picka for asking, “GM of what?” Buttdarts for auto-hashing coz he was on-call for work. Condoments; for running into doors, locking herself in the bathroom and having to call blondestar, and looking like the freakin Joker when Teacher walked in the house earlier that afternoon. Gaydar; for being so gay when he went to take a shit in the port-a-potty he blew it up with the gas from his ass. And Itchy; for drinking a beer bigger then her with a straw. Itchy got the Hash-shit because she said she had never had balls that big in her face before, and Teacher decided it was about time.
Attendance:
Condoments (Hare)
Buttdarts (FAHB) ((front auto hashing bastard))
Moose Knuckle (Whip)
Itchy ‘N’ Scratchy
Teacher
Gaydar
Pickahole (DFL)
Once upon a time, far, far away, in a lil town called Las Cruces, NM, a group of crazy-asses meet at the local Hooters for a trail. These crazy people, known as hashers, had agreed to meet at Buttdarts house in El Paso at 4:30ish and leave from there for Cruces, but they were foiled in their attempt at actually showing up on time. Foiled by this most devious thing called w-o-r-k… Condoments, being the hare, thought she would be smart and scout the trail earlier that Saturday. The kibosh was enforced by the evil boss requesting her presence until 6. She skillfully negotiated the time down to 4:45. Not that it helped her. By 5ish the majority of the hashers had gathered at Buttdarts house. Some virgins (and some hashers) were already in Las Cruces, since they wanted to get this other thing called f-o-o-d… what a bunch of pansies.
Finally, around 6:30ish we arrive at the predetermined location of Hooters. While awaiting the arrival of our gracious host later in the evening the rest of us decided Hooters served the food of the Gods; Hot Wings and Beer. Nearly overrunning Hooters with our bright red BJwiser shirts, we sat down and masticated.
A few pictures of beer later (10?) it was nearly 8pm and the whip asked the Hare (now Gaydar, hehe) if he would be kind enough to lay us a trail. Gaydar being the hasher he is stated, “I do what I want.” Then proceeded to get the flour out of the truck and steal Moose’s chalk. Condoments began to conduct chalk talk in the parking lot for the virgins (and hashers that had never been on one of Gaydar’s trails before) when her phone went off… It was the hare with the first beer check, but it was already too late… she had been busted for technology. While getting the coordinates for the beer check, Condoments witnessed a few hashers were nearly run-over by an out-of-control van. Teacher being the good GM he is told them to slow down… but the van people (those trolls) got out. After realizing they were no match for 10 hashers and a parking lot full of bikers they re-piled into their van and drove away.
Trail started with a Trash tit-check in the middle of the Hooters parking lot (how apropos) and the pack was looking for marks. Moose Knuckle had Just Jason and Just Rhonda in tow even though they were not his virgins. SCAB was leading the way since he was using the Force (he should be renamed Zenner Man). Teacher and Cockeye were the caboose.
Condoments arrived at the first beer check with the beer truck and waited for the pack to arrive. SCAB being the dignified hasher he is very calmly walked to the truck while Moose Knuckle sang out in glorious praise (while running with his arms out to Jesus), “BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER!!!!!” Pick-a-hole didn’t want beer at first, just water, because she said she had to drive home. Condoments pointed out that Picka should drink beer on trail, and then water in circle, and she would be fine. Picka agreed. Which left Just Carmen and Customer Cums First as the only water drinkers.
On the other side of the truck the pack found the border jumper with a note, “if you want otherwise (harrow)” SCAB leaped from the wall to the ground 15 feet below while Condoments was trying to tell him even the hare didn’t got that way. Most of the rest of the pack hearing that piece of information decided to follow the harrow, with the exception of Teacher and Cockeye, who also jumped.
Condoments called Gaydar back to get his location, and the location of the next beer check. Picking Gaydar up, Condoments and the hare went to meet the pack and mark another beer check. Finding the pack nearly to the top of some gianormous hill Condoments parked the truck, Gaydar jumped out, and another beer check was born. Customer was VERY happy to see the beer truck because it also contained the water. After some shenanigans the pack took off again to finish climbing the hill. Condoments and Gaydar got back in the truck, passed the pack, travelled down the other side of the hill, and marked another beer check. Picka expressed her joy at being able to complete her Beer Mile tab while on trail. Her joy was darkened when someone reminded her that she already had it and couldn’t get another one.
With the pack on the move again Gaydar was getting worried coz he hadn’t finished trail yet. So, Condoments took him back to where she had picked him up earlier and waited again with the beer truck. Eventually she could see the pack walking along trail. Nearly a block from the beer check was a clothing exchange, so she had a pretty good view (it was downhill and under the street lamp). The first bunch of hounds made it to the beer check, but the lolly-gaggers took longer. Finally, Teacher, Itchy, Stinky, and Cockeye made it to the clothing exchange. Teacher having been drunk before we got on trail, and continuing to drink on trail, was in a very frisky mood, and proceeded to get nekked in the intersection. With oncoming traffic to light his antics, everyone at the beer check had a pretty good view, but we sent Moose down for photo evidence anyway.
After everyone finished at the beer check the pack took off again. Condoments was complaining that since she was B driver she didn’t get to do package checks. Stinky volunteered but announced he needed a fluffer first. A random car with a couple hot chicks in it came around the corner and stopped at the end of the beer truck while Condoments was giving Stinky a package check. They asked what “those people in the red shirts” were doing. Condoments being the good On-Sex she is explained Hashing and gave them the website. Condoments and Stinky got in the beer truck and had to find trail to B because the hare neglected to tell the “B” driver where “B” was.
At B we found Just John (since it was his house) and his friends. Moose Knuckle rounded the lazy hasher up into a circle and called out the Hare. The hounds said Gaydar’s trail sucked, but they weren’t very insistent about it since there were 4 beer checks. Teacher conducted Tails from the Trail instead of Itchy because she forgot the Hash-shit at B last trail. The hash-shit was automatically awarded to Itchy for forgetting it. Moose called the Virgins in the center and the fun began. Just John’s friend Rich was watching circle, commenting that we are freakin’ nuts, but then asked if he could join in. Welcome Just Rich!! With Just Rich, Just Jason, and Just Rhonda in center Moose explained vessels over the head (WHO SAID HEAD?!?!) sang a ditty.. and was in the process of asking the most important question of all… “spit or swallow?” when the police arrived. This not being a first for most of us, the pack followed Teacher and Cockeye into the house while Just John tried to drunkenly explain to the cops that “No, officer I’m not drunk, but I’m in my own house, so it shouldn’t matter anyway.” While SCAB asked the other officer what the noise rules were in Cruces.
Once all the hashers were safely ensconced inside the house, and the SS had left, Just John goes into the backyard and yells at his neighbor’s house, “FUCK YOU, YOU DUMB BITCH... OOPS WAS THAT TOO LOUD FOR YOU TOO?!?!” Nice John. Hehe. Circle concluded inside.
Attendence:
Gaydar (hare)
Condoments (B driver)
Moose Knuckle (whip)
Itchy ‘n’ Scratchy (hash-shit)
My Teacher Made Me Cum (FRB)
Stinky Pinky (DFL)
SCAB
Pick-a-hole
Customer Cums First
Cockeyed
Just Carmen
Just Jason
Just Rhonda
Just John (host)
Just Rich (joined us in circle)